on my irrational fear(s)

This is a kind of confession and explanation. I had a discussion last night that got me thinking about why I find it so worrisome to have my “real life” friends read my posts, and why I prefer sharing random thoughts with people that I don’t really know.

After mulling this over for a bit, I now realize that it started when I was in high school…

I had a friend who introduced me to blogging and design. She and I worked on some silly little web-projects that never really took off, mostly because we kept arguing over what the sites should look like and who our co-authors should be. As a result, we both started individual projects of our own, ultra-bright badly coded sites on geocities, but we were only 16 and experimenting with html, so what did it matter. This was also around the time that livejournal was the big social networking medium. We each had accounts, but I never gave much thought to who was reading my entries. In other words, I didn’t think she was paying much mind to what I was writing.

It turned out that she was.

I wrote an entry about a particular event and she took offense. I felt that I was only describing my experience of the event and meant no harm by it. They were my views and I was certain that I was justified in expressing them.

Well, that friendship ended badly.

That’s when I started censoring what I wrote, not sharing my blog(s) with friends, and made my journal friends only (only to later start a new journal altogether in an effort to get away from that part of my web experience).

As some people know, I shut this site down for a while and only wrote on my journal. But I like to write, and I think of this blog as a kind of narrative exercise, just as my book blog is an exercise in writing about books (after all, I have a Lit degree, I should keep it up).

Yes, my worry is somewhat irrational. I am still worried that someone might react badly to something I’ve written, and I would rather it was someone I didn’t really know.

under the rainbow

I may be losing more hours than I thought, I may be losing a whole semester actually (summer term, but a good six weeks nonetheless). It looks like the budget for my department has been squandered on who knows what, seems that our brilliant director wasn’t doing much.

I’m trying to stay positive and take things as they come. There are others facing situations that are far more dire than mine. It’s hard. As someone who just completed a graduate degree, I’m one of the many dealing with the lack of options brought on by the recession. The markets I would have worked in with my degree (publishing or advertising) are nearly nonexistent in my region at the moment, so I decided to get my MLS sooner rather than later and take advantage of the upswing in library jobs that are predicted to result from baby boomer retirements.

I’m hoping and waiting and taking the extra hours in my day to get creative (and work on schoolwork when I start the library program in May). I even took advantage of the Tara McPherson coloring book kit that my friend gave me for Christmas. I took it to work and colored these two pages. (pictures taken with my phone while at work).

The kit brings a coloring book, art cards, and a box of crayons in the palette that McPherson generally uses for her artwork. It was fun. It has been ages since I used waxy crayons.

the munnys and the moneys

Now that I am in a relationship, I have been attending more festivals than ever before… I wonder if this is because I am not taking classes at the moment, or just because my bf and I seem to share an interest in festival hopping? Hmm… Perhaps a combination of both? Anyhow, classes start next week so I’ll see if this trend continues.

getting creative with the munny mobile

We went to a local festival on Saturday night and had some of the best soft serve ice cream I have ever had, so creamy it tasted more like mousse than ice cream. Then on Sunday we took a trip to PinkGhost for a Munny Mobile painting party… and got free Munny Mobiles! It was lots of fun, though I really didn’t think they were going to be giving the Munnys away, so I didn’t plan a design and just started painting with the supplies on hand at the party. This limited me to a palette of yellow, red, blue, and black (and some blue glitter than the bf managed to grab for me), but I managed to create a whimsical dandelion design on my little buggy.

They had a nice crowd going at the shop, lots of the other artists obviously planned what they were going to paint on their Munnys and clearly had prior experience, so I learned some strategies that I can use when I decide what to paint on the little Munny that came with the kit.

So it was a nice, lazy weekend… then I found out that they had to cut some of my hours at work, if only for the Summer A term.  I’m lucky enough that I can get by with my second job (barely, but still managing), but it makes the job hunt all the more desperate. I’m applying for every library job that I qualify for so I can get some experience/money/benefits while I work on the MLS, but many of these aren’t even going to start hiring until August, meaning it might be months before I hear from anyone 😦 .

on farm animals in the ‘burbs

The rooster that appeared last summer, Dorothy-style on the end of a storm, is cockle doodle dooing away from the top of a tree… I keep wondering who owns this creature and why they seem so unconcerned that their poultry may be wandering into hostile territory. I know the kids in this neighborhood are vicious little beasts and it’s only a matter of time before they notice the chickens. Girl chickie hasn’t been around in a few days, we suspect chicklets will soon appear. Will there be peeps for Easter? And why would anyone want to have chickens as pets in the first place, especially when there is not a bit of farmland in sight?

what a waste

My day has been trampled upon! And now it is 3 o’clock and I have barely accomplished anything, other than getting stuck in traffic for half an hour after bravely venturing forth to do groceries in an area of town that is filled with the elderly mad. Upside, I smelled some lovely fresh watermelon cups that proved to be as tasty as they were fragrant. Almost makes the half hour I spent in school zone traffic seem worthwhile.

While my morning was wasted, I did manage to change the theme colors to reflect a crisp blue and yellow spring mood… and then realized that I was inadvertently channeling school spirit. Oh well, still looks nice.

a whirlwind of dust

I find cleaning to be a very cathartic activity, especially when it involves getting rid of old, useless junk. This afternoon, I became a bit upset over something that I had no control over, so I decided to finally tackle my bookshelf, my two junk drawers, and the drawer where I keep all of my digital photo stuff. The result, I feel slightly less edgy and my bookshelf looks all neat and colorful 🙂

Strawberry fields

Celebrated the first day of Spring Break with a lovely spring harvest 🙂 .

Em invited me to join her and Enrique on a strawberry picking adventure at the Knaus Berry Farm in Homestead. The berries were gorgeous, all bright red and dewy, and the air smelled like the inside of a jar of fresh strawberry jam. I was sorely tempted to eat strawberries while picking them.

The farm is owned by the Knaus family, who are part of a German Baptist sect called Dunkers (they look a bit like the Amish). Aside from the U-Pick strawberry and tomatoe field, the farm also sells fresh baked breads, pies, and cinnamon buns, jellies, and fresh produce. Before we left, I also bought myself a giant bib lettuce for $1.50, guava jelly, and some cinnamon buns to share with the others.

The strawberries are delicious. So juicy and sweet, definitely some of the best berries I have ever eaten.

bound

It’s finally posted! And shelved!

I conducted a search on my university’s library website to see if my thesis was finally in the collection and it is 🙂 . Now I need to take a trip to the Special Collection and see what it looks like among all the other thesis and dissertations.

I guess this sort of fulfills my dream of seeing my name on the cover of a book… but not quite.

Resolved

Managed to resolve my work issue with a carefully worded email to the director. I expressed my concerns and offered suggestions for possible long term projects that I could develop, projects that would make use of my skills rather than keep me busy on a task that has no relation to my position. Overall, I think I handled it quite nicely. The librarian I work with was very supportive; she liked that I defended myself and told me that the other assistant is only now coming to realize that she should have done the same when she first started – they have her working on all sorts of tasks that are not related to the library.

So what’s in the agenda for today? I’m going to try my hand at making a cheesecake. It’s a thank you offering for my boyfriend’s dad, who kindly took care of my car. The whole family loves cheesecake, so it’ll be a nice treat.

And after cheesecake, Watchmen. Though I said no to a late night show as I don’t want to deal with crazy lines and a packed theater. I’ll take a matinee.