letting go – marginalia and such

I’ve decided against participating in NaNoWriMo next month (next week, really). It kind of feels like quitting before giving myself a chance, but I know it’ll be a while before I’m done with the changes to draft 2 and even the energy of the WriMo community can’t change that… so I’m going to suck it up and push on without the instant-gratification of word counters and group encouragement. If all goes well, I’ll be able to join Camp NaNo with a new project.

In the meantime, I’m working and mulling things over (there is a lot to be mulled). Major changes are happening–plot-wise that is–and new directions are being discovered. At this rate, I think it’ll be at least another month before the paper draft is edited, and then another 2-3 before all the changes are applied to the digital draft. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to use some vacation time in the spring and give myself a writer’s staycation.

I’m trying to catch a second wind with this project. There are some days when it feels like I’ve been working this draft to death and I don’t want to spend another minute in Anuna’s head, but then I find myself doing research on magic, or plants, or myths, and I just want to rush back in as an element that was nagging at me suddenly falls into place. It’s a love-hate situation.

I am slump girl.

And it’s sheer laziness on my part, but it’s a reality I have to face. I’m writing. Actually, I’m writing a lot. I’m just not writing for myself. I’m writing proposals and emails and work plans; and though I know where I need to go, I have no drive to get to it. There’s no one to blame but myself, but I think the time has come to own up to it and realize that I need a break. It’s something that needs to happen if I want to get back to writing with a fresh mind and a willing heart. So I’m going to give myself a break until Sunday. And I won’t beat myself up for it. This is a conscious, purposeful effort. I’ll enjoy a few days off and deal with the feeling of burnout that I have been brushing aside for the last few weeks to no effect. Instead, I’ll sort through clothes and set up donation piles. I’ll clear the clutter in my home. I’ll clean. I’ll cook. I’ll enjoy kitty cat love time and birthday treats with the boy and the family. And I’ll start again on Sunday.

We all need a mini break some time.