what we talk about when we talk about life

I am not in a good place right now. I like to present a generally upbeat blog personality, but there are times when I just need to think about the not so cheerful moments. I don’t mean to brood, but while things seem fine on the surface, much of my personal life has gone to hell. There are things that are beyond my control which are affecting the choices I need to make… and this is not something that I’m dealing with in a very positive way. I cannot rationalize these things and put them into clear categories. These are the messy things that make my day just a little harder and my thoughts a little darker. I feel like I’m in the middle of a transition. This is probably a belated quarter-life crisis, a period that will pass and I’ll look back on it and wonder why I thought life was so difficult. Or it might not be. There are real decisions that I need to make, and these will have long-term repercussions. I wish I were a better person and could move on without making such a muddle, but I’m not and this is not easy.

slice of life

Waiting rooms are interesting places. Complete strangers are forced to sit in a room together until they are called upon. It seems all waiting rooms are the same, regardless of the service. There is the usual setup–couches or chairs, coffee or some sort of vending machine, old magazines, and televisions set to the news or bad daytime dramas. Some people will randomly start a conversation, suddenly united in their effort to break the monotony, while others will find something to do. I am a find something to do sort of girl and will usually tote a book or something to write on. Others, however, will come up with much more clever things to keep them busy… like set up a date. Yes, a date. How? Why? I don’t know, but I this is the first time I’ve ever seen someone set up a date in a waiting room just to have something to do. And in a car repair shop waiting room of all places. There I was, waiting for my car to come out and allow me to return to civilization, when the girl next to me receives a call and waves a guy into the room. In a room no larger than the average sitting room, you can’t help but overhear another’s conversation, and they weren’t being the least bit soft-spoken. There they were, getting to know each other and chatting about their like, dislikes, careers, etc… for all the world as if they were meeting for a proper date. And during the guy’s lunch break, no less. It was an incredibly odd thing, though I’m not sure what it says about either of them if they squeeze a date in during such a random hour. I was very amused. Wonder if there will be a date #2 for them? Perhaps in another waiting room?

things that I am excited about

  • Two months of 3 day weekends thanks to 4 day work schedules (It’s nice having free weekdays when my shift rotates, but no one else is free on a Wednesday, etc.)
  • Going to Tampa for my presentation. I’ve never been and this will give me an excuse to do some sightseeing.
  • My Bookdrum profile was selected to be featured/published on the homepage on August 1st. I received a very nice email about it.
  • My birthday in a little under 2 weeks 🙂
  • Swaptree and PBS packages arriving in the post

a turn about the room

Some of my friends may tease and call me a post-Victorian relic, but when I spend a few days at home I realize that I would have gone absolutely mad if I really had lived the typical Victorian woman’s life. There’s this restlessness that I feel when I have nothing to do and eventually everything just feels like a distraction from the fact that I am not doing anything productive. I have a rotating work schedule, so some weeks I work all my hours over the course of the weekend, leaving me with the rest of the week off. It’s nice, I have to admit, but being at home makes me get a little cabin feverish. I’ll spend some time doing schoolwork, reading, writing, watching movies on Netflix (I don’t really watch TV, so that one’s out), but eventually there is nothing left to do but get up and walk around.

It always makes me think of Caroline Bingley and Lizzie taking a turn about the room. Imagine living in a world where you really have nothing to do? I could not be so still. I’m sure the activities of eighteenth and nineteenth century girls provided their pleasures, but how much sitting around can one girl take? I need to get out of this house.