the beginning of an existential crisis?

I decided to clean my room. A wise move where the dust-bunny over-population is concerned, yet not such a good move far as the “why the hell do I have so much junk?” question is concerned.

Nearly every available horizontal space in my room is covered by books… but what is left over is covered with assorted knick knacks. However, other than the maneki neko that I have on my desk, much of the other stuff was given to me as a gift. These gifts have taken over! It makes me feel desperately cluttered. I just want to get rid of it all. Put it away in boxes and become unattached to this mess. I want minimalism. Most of this stuff means absolutely nothing to me. I keep receiving fairies from people. I like fairy tales, that does not necessarily mean that I have a desire to be surrounded by fairy figurines.

I like my lucky cats, my momijis, my matryoshkas… I need some sort of order for the rest of this stuff. Give me open space. 

to tick no more

I have a Powerpuff Girls alarm clock that I have owned since I was in sixth grade. I bought it when the Warner Bros. Studio Store was an actual mall store, not just a web store. It’s cute, it’s tiny, it makes a hell of sound when it goes off… but not anymore. The timepiece works just fine, but the alarm has gone out. It made a feeble attempt a few weeks ago, but now it makes one beep and gives up. This sad little clock has to be put to rest. So… now I need a new alarm clock, but I can’t find anything that I like. Everything is digital. I hate digital clocks. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but digital clocks are not my style. Where can I find a proper clock?!?! Not a desk clock, those are lovely, but they have no alarms. A real, analog alarm clock. And not a plain little black boxy thing either. This is like a quest for some near-mythical object; it is not to be found.

not nearly short-sighted enough

Visited my optometrist yesterday (I love him, he takes the time to explain everything) to see about the blurry vision and the headaches that won’t go away. I had myopia when I was about 5, so I thought it might be returning, though it came on so suddenly that it seemed a little surreal–one day my vision was fine, the next it’s all double when I look into the distance. It seems I was right, it was too sudden to be real myopia. It turns out that I have a sort of “false myopia”… meaning that I’ve been spending so many hours reading and staring at my computer screen in order to finish my thesis that the strain of looking at print has made my eyes accustomed to focusing only on things that are close at hand. It’s almost like the muscles have forgotten how to loosen up and look at the big picture. My treatment… spend at least 3 hours a week not doing anything text related. No reading, no writing, no computer related anything. In short, just relax and let my eyes take a break from looking at print. It’s like a punishment.

Yesterday, I sat for an hour in the student lounge and did nothing. I had to restrain the urge to reach for one of my books and just veg. All my friends are being very smug… they’ve been telling me to relax for a while. Mostly, I think they’re trying to coerce me into joining them on their outings (I’m looking at you Miss Em). Looks like I’m going to have to give in to their demands.

mishaps abound

I’ve had two days filled with mishaps and all sorts of would-be-funny-if-it-weren’t-happening-to-me moments. I take my own meals to school (now work) to avoid the lines and the expense. This usually works well, I need to have something on hand because all the food places on campus are a  30 minute walk away from where I am located, and I don’t have a real break, so I need to take advantage of any lulls. Yesterday, I was doing just that, so I went to the kitchen to heat up my dinner… and I dropped it. Not a drop could be saved.

So that was mishap #1. Mishap #2 occurred this afternoon and it was awful.

Before leaving for work, I noticed that a storm was brewing. I assumed I was heading away from the storm, but I was really heading right into it. In fact, the worst of it seemed to be located right where I was going. I could see all the lightning and I started doing that counting thing (you know, the one where you count the seconds between the spark and the sound to determine the distance of the storm). There was no pause between strikes, I was right in the middle of it. I was just trying to beat it, hoping to get into the Center before it strengthened. No such luck. I was trapped in my car for 20 minutes, near panicking with the lightning and the rain and the gales that kept shaking my terribly shaky little car, until I decided to risk it and make a dash across the parking lot. And landed in calf-high water when I stepped out. I was soaked. Wet wet wet. Soggy shoes, socks, and pants (not to mention the parts of me that my miniscule umbrella was unable to cover while I waded through the lake that was the parking lot). I was saved because the office was warm today. Wet and freezing would have been too much. I am sure I looked quite comical splashing and yelling (there were a number of “bloody hells” and perhaps a few “arrs” — I channel britcoms and pirate movies when peeved), but I was too wet to find the humor in it.

going green and pet peeves

Lately, there has been a push for everyone to go green. The media has really been promoting green living here in the States, and I know that to some it seems like a recent ‘trend’, but I remember growing up with all sorts of eco-themed shows urging kids to “Act Locally. Think Globally.” Captain Planet anyone? I grew up participating in all sorts of school sponsored recycling programs. I learned all about saving water and energy. Reusing products and not wasting resources. So, why does it seem that so many in my age group didn’t get the message? This was a little over ten years ago, it should have become ‘trendy’ a while ago. (Yes, the idea that this is all a trend peeves me to no end. It’s so annoying when I see girls walking around with green totes and so obviously not heeding the message that these bags promote.)

Now, why am I on a green rant? Because getting it across to the older set is proving to be a bit more difficult — at least at home. Having experienced privations in their homeland when they were children, my parents are part of “stock up and save because you might not find it tomorrow” group. They buy in bulk. Generally, it’s the sort of stuff that has a long shelf-life and comes in handy during hurricane season and/or “I refuse to do groceries” time, but sometimes its the dated kind. Like yogurt! Yes, we reach the crux of my dilemma 😡 … I just had to throw away a family-size pack of yogurt because my mom bought them and promptly forgot all about them. She’s been doing this a lot lately, buying stuff that she never eats, so that I am forced to a) eat it myself or b) trash it after it expires (usually whenever I decide to attack the fridge and clean it out). She’s getting better at not doing this, but we still have a few kinks to work out.

losing my drive

I tend to do things on impulse… like restarting this blog. I thought about it, then I thought, ‘Why not? Might as well set it up sooner than later, if I’m going to do it.’ So when I get it in my head to do something, I do it. However, I have to do it straight through. I can’t start something and then take a break from it. That only makes me lose my drive.

Now, I have a thesis to write. I told myself I would write a chapter a month. I would start and stick to it, or I’d end up taking longer than necessary to finish this thing. I gave myself deadlines. I planned things out. I structured the entire process (at least on my end, the rest is up to my committee). The only problem is that this weekend threw me off my schedule. I can multi-task, but there are some things that require my full attention. Writing is one of those. I was distracted. I told myself I needed a break and I would still have enough time to finish my first chapter by the 19th if I started again on Monday. That didn’t happen–starting again on Monday, I mean. Another little snag occurred and I ended up spending my day running around campus getting forms signed and tracking down books in the library (books that are missing!! People, return your books after you are done using them. Just a courtesy.). Now, I can’t remember where I was going with my draft. I was making some sort of transition from one point to another, and I can’t remember what exactly that point was. I’ll figure it out, but the lazy daze has set in.