Some days, I just need to tune out. Light a candle, brew some tea, shut the world out.
I had a hard time letting go when I was younger. In my teens, I felt things very intensely and it was exhausting. As I’ve grown (older, if not wiser), I’ve learned to let go. There are some things I can’t fix. There are some things I can’t control. I’ve learned to focus on the ones I can fix, can control, rather than stressing over the major, epic ones. That’s not to say I don’t have opinions regarding major, life-changing issues (hello, current state of the nation), but I do what I can to focus on the changes I can make close to homd. Some days that’s as simple as writing a letter or email, others it’s knowing when not to get into an argument (I don’t need the grief). My own well-being comes first.
I have this side job that I really enjoy. It’s in the field that I have chosen to pursue and I’ve met some great people. However, the director of the program has approached me twice regarding duties that are unrelated to my job and that I feel are absolutely wrong for me.
He first approached me about a possible teaching position, and I explained that my recent decision to quit teaching had led to my applying for this position; as such, I am not looking to return to that field.
Tonight he approached me to see if I would act as a sort of student motivator, making calls to students who have stopped attending class. I tried to tactfully explain that I feel that I am not an adequate person for the job, as I do not like making phone calls and am not someone with that sort of sales-pitch personality. He insisted and advised that I give it a try and see how it goes.
I don’t want to give it a try.
I know this is not something I want to do. Partly, because I have a laissez-faire attitude to teaching – if you don’t care enough to show up, that’s not my problem. And partly because I have no desire to bother people while they are working/eating/relaxing/whatever.
I don’t want to seem like I don’t want to be part of the team, but this duty has nothing to do with my being a library assistant, and there are others who are better qualified to handle such a task.
I am hoping that it will not come up again, but if it does I want to be prepared to tell him no in a professional and well-argued manner.
I don’t want to lose a job that I actually enjoy, but I know that this is a task that will stress me out and make me feel as anxious as I feel at my other job.
Is it wrong that I do not want to do this? Should I accept a task that is unrelated to my job and most definitely not part of my job description? Do I offer to not work on the two nights that the other librarian is there, if it is a matter of my being superfluous?
The house is almost our own once more. It’s been a crazy hectic week, not least because of the northern invaders. My mom has been in hospital since before their arrival, so I’ve had to act the gracious hostess alongside my grandmum. It’s been an experience. One that I don’t care to repeat. Especially as I have not been able to have a decent night’s sleep since they arrived.
I think Didy is just as eager for our guests to leave. Here he is waiting for them to pack up their luggage.