social distance diaries: days 64-70

Day 64, Monday

Caved and placed my first instacart order for essentials from a bulk store. I didn’t want to go out three weeks in a row, so it was a choice. I tip well, so this was more than I would normally spend but not like I’m going out to eat, so…
Basically, I’m an over planner and I’m not waiting for hurricane season to ramp up before getting supplies.

Day 65, Tuesday

Dropped the cats off at the vet. Trying to remain hopeful, but kitty has been very lethargic since his last visit, refusing to eat or drink much and just hiding all day. He was fine right before the visit, which makes me wonder if it’s residual pain from the biopsy (having had one, can confirm it hurts) or post-vet visit trauma. Usually, his moods don’t last this long.

Vet called because he found 6 bumps total after shaving him. I never felt these bumps until I felt the first one last Monday. I’m worried it’s an aggressive fibrosarcoma that has already spread, but we’ll have to wait for results. Vet suggested removing the large lump (the first one I noticed) and waiting for those results to decide on next steps. I fear this will be another round of pet cancer and can only hope that I’m wrong.

Day 66, Wednesday

We lost him. Nothing else mattered on this day.

Day 67, Thursday

A rough night, thinking if I should’ve done anything differently, not gone through with the surgery, rushed back to the vet, knowing that he was probably already dying and we didn’t know it until it was too late, that his body couldn’t handle the surgery, that those would be our last moments together. I’m feeling particularly raw. It’s going to be a hard day.

Day 68, Friday

There were meetings. I didn’t have much energy. I took a short walk.

Day 69, Saturday

Starting to feel a little more myself, but I didn’t have the mental space to do anything productive. I worked chat from noon-6pm. The day is mostly a blur. I read most of the day while waiting for chats.

Day 70, Sunday

I thought I would have energy to write, but I didn’t. I read some more. Spent time with the girl kitty.

Much of this week was a blur. Grief is like that.

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