I started so many of these in the last two months and failed to post them. In short, I’m burned out. All my creative juices are flowing towards edits, but my general mood is one of exhaustion, particularly at day job. I’m just managing to work on the stuff I need to check off, not much mental space left for distant goals.
I’m not sure how much longer this feeling will last. It started before the pandemic and has gotten worse since.
In an effort to take control of some aspect of my life, I started a No/Low Buy for 2022 and will be documenting it on my channel.
I am also finding new ways to engage in non-spending activities at home.
Oreo was my pandemic cat. A sweet street cat who experienced several traumatic infections between 2019 and 2020. He was around 6 years old based on my mom’s neuter records, but we’re not sure the day he was born (his mom brought him when he was a few weeks old).
I adopted him a few months after losing Caramelo in October 2020. I wasn’t ready to adopt a cat, but I didn’t want to risk his having a third infection (they were brutal, turned into massive, hard to treat abscesses, and required surgery), so I brought him home and hoped for the best, knowing that he might be a hospice case.
After so long, I thought he was clear, but his heart was too big. He was so big-hearted, his little body couldn’t keep up. We lost him on October 30th at 3am, a year to the day I adopted him.
This month started on the wrong foot and kept hobbling along. Among the disasters were several incidents involving my job and the place where I work in general, including an active shooter threat in my building, which led to a lot of stress and anxiety as admin tried to keep it quiet to avoid panic on campus. No update yet on who wrote the note, but the threat hangs over us.
This week, I got my covid booster, and it knocked me out. Simultaneously, my tuxedo cat went into a respiratory crisis overnight. As I write this, I don’t know what will happen or what his prognosis will look like. I’m anxious and feeling a terrible sense of dread and deja vu after what happened to my last two cats.
In happier news, I made an update to the writing progress series on my channel
This week got away from me. There were good days and bad days, a mild migraine that took three days to break (along with the weather), and a nagging sense of dread as I wait for a meeting that may or may not change things drastically for me at work (I’m really hoping for the not). I got a decent amount of editing done, but I think I maxed out this stage of edits and I’m ready to move on. There’s no sense in putting so much energy into individual word choices with such intensity when the draft is going to go through further iterations whether I get a trad deal or take the plunge into small business-dom and self-publish. I’ll give it another quick polish to prep it, but I’m feeling ready to query and try my luck. Once again, it feels like terrible timing with NaNo around the corner and the holidays right after, but there’s never a perfect time to start. I just have to start. First things first, I’ll prep my submission materials and made my list of agents. The rest is out of my hands.
I’m also leaning into the possibility of a NaNo project… I doubt I’ll “win,” but the real win lies in getting the darn thing out of my head and onto the page. I might be taking on too much. I need to avoid burnout, but it would be nice to try. Either way, it’s just a thought at this stage.
I’ve been making more time to take care of my physical self as well. It’s helping my mood and my migraines, but there are lot of complex feelings surrounding my current relationship with my body and my health. I would like to talk my feelings out in a video, but I’m working myself up to it.
Back to the office and drama is brewing in my inbox… not looking forward to the meeting it’s tangled up in. Super tired today after a night of poor sleep. My evening was not the least bit productive, but a random conversation led to a David Bowie music video binge that took me back to my days trying to view music video clips on a dial up connection because I was so desperate for access to rare videos. Love that musical genius. Miss him always.
Slightly more productive at work at least. My after work writing schedule has been a bust and my goal to wrap up this stage by the end of September is not going to happen (I missed about 12 days of writing this month because of migraines and extra demands at work and home).
Welp. I’m caught in a situation that affects a bunch of jobs in my organization. Hoping this gets handled to everyone’s benefit and doesn’t become a dumpster 🔥.
It was supposed to be a quiet WFH day. It turned into a busy meetings and email frenzy day. Really hoping that this situation can be resolved without it turning into a storm.
And there went my half day, which turned into an over hours day of phone calls and texts about the mess that’s been brewing. It’s been on my mind for days and will continue to linger until it gets resolved (One way or another. Hoping for the least painful option.)
Saturday – Sunday
A very productive weekend. Joined in for the Heart Breathings Double Down Sprints (it always takes me by surprise, though it’s a regular event), and managed to work through 2/3rds of the very long list of “look” phrases I’m replacing with action verbs. I’ve gone through several crutch words, but I left the most used ones for the end… look is not even the worst of the lot, but it’s too often used where a better phrase or word makes for a stronger sentence.
Had ice cream. That was a mistake, but we deal with it (cue the bloating, cramping, and skin issues).
Back to the office and randomly selected for covid testing.
Took a half day to watch my grandmother while my mom got her flu shot. It’s become harder for my mom to get time for herself now that my grandmother is full bed-bound, so I stay with her when my mom has to go out. She took the opportunity to have a little Target shopping spree while she was at it.
I may have squeezed too much into my day because my migraine came back full force.
Migraine was terrible this morning. I have to host a meeting tomorrow, so I stayed home to get as much recovery time as possible. It’s likely a combination of post-period hormones and the latest front headed our way. I’ve taken all the things and tried all of my non-drug interventions to no avail; the most relief I get is a few hours between intense attacks. Really hoping this rest day brings it down to a 1 or 2 level. This morning it was a 5/6. (I have a high pain tolerance, my 5 may be another’s 8, but it means I can get around, but feel better in a dark room with little to no movement and don’t feel like driving is a smart option).
Staying home certainly helped. Meeting went fine except for a really poorly timed power outage that seems to have messed with something in my laptop and made it sound like someone was drilling in my office. It was pretty bad and but it did resolve after the fact, so I’m hopeful that it won’t happen again (or I can fix it with a reboot).
I vlogged this day as a migraine DITL
WFH day hurray!
Saturday – Sunday
Not much writing, but there was bubble tea to end the weekend. This week’s migraine hit me hard and I had an extra hard time focusing. Still, some progress is better than none.