social distance diaries: days 100-105

keep wearing those masks. make it fashion.

Day 100, Tuesday

Trying to get back into the swing of things after being out for two days. It doesn’t seem like a long time, but emails have a way of multiplying even under normal work circumstances… meetings kept me from getting much done TBH.

Day 101, Wednesday

Day off for doctor’s visits (for myself and mom).

One of my coworkers had a heart attack recently, and my mom’s neighbor had a stroke… that spurred me to finally see a cardiologist to discuss the heart palpitations, faintness/dizziness, shortness of breath I’ve been experiencing for a little over a year.

For the record – I’ve seen my GP twice (after the first time I nearly passed out and, more recently, when he prescribed anxiety meds), as well as my endocrinologist, and my gyno to check all my hormone levels… none of them found anything, but I’m not fully satisfied with anxiety as a diagnosis. For one, my mom has mitral valve prolapse; I don’t want a misdiagnosis if it’s more than anxiety (there was no pandemic when it started), or a regular part of my body being slightly different.

I have a followup scheduled for an EKG, stress test, and Holter monitor.

Day 102, Thursday

Finally catching up on work… It’s surprising how quickly things pile up, even when I tend to stay on top of tasks and prioritize.

We’ve finally hit the summer heatwaves and it’s been miserable being at home (I don’t have central AC and my wall units can barely cool the room when the sun hits in the afternoon).

Sunset was at 8:15pm FFS. The sun was unrelenting.

Day 103, Friday

It’s HOT. I ordered a second fan to try to cool my home office (ie, my living room) while I keep working from home. Kitty is as languid as I feel. I think she’s shed some of her undercoat because she looks slimmer. I feel ya, kitty.

Finally feeling better after a three day migraine attack. I’m pretty sure it was caused by my lack of restraint over the weekend (there was dairy and other stuff that doesn’t sit well with my body) and the heat.

No heart palpitations today, so that’s a plus.

Meanwhile, the state just announced 9000 covid cases in a single day. Wear your masks, people! I have zero tolerance for selfish disdain for human life.

Day 104, Saturday

I’ve felt decent for the last two more… more than decent actually, and I’m taking full advantage of the ability to focus and write.

Since I haven’t been going out to eat (I can count the number of times I’ve had takeout), I decided to take the plunge and try Daily Harvest. 1) because I’m tired of coming up with lunches and snacks, 2) because I’ve been eyeing their ads forEVER. If you want to try it yourself, I have a referral link.

Day 105, Sunday

Another good writing day. Using a timer and setting pomodoro type sessions has helped me reset my writing routine for the weekend. My weekday writing sessions are usually an hour long, but I’ve had a hard time sitting with the words when there’s so much to do at home. This is an improvement.

Listened to an excellent episode of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. Highly recommend. It was just what I needed to remind me that it’s ok to just take care of myself and stop. Episode 411. Caring for Tired Brains with Alexis Rockley

Meanwhile, the number of covid cases keeps hitting new highs. I’m still working from home, my risk is minimal, but I’m also an empathetic person. Between the fear and sense of collective grief, it’s been tough. YouTube videos from folks who’ve survived the virus are one of my weird ways to find hope.

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social distance diaries: Days 71-77

Day 71, Monday

It’s Memorial Day. It’s raining and I’m in no hurry to return to anything that looks like a gathering.

Was a little short of breath this morning. I have a pulse oximeter and my sp02 was 94-95 for a little bit, but then rose to 96/97/98 later in the day. I’m hoping it was a fluke, or maybe a sign of the mild anemia that I’ve started to suspect post-period. Either way, we’re back to careful monitoring. TBH, I’m anxious after last week’s emergency trip to the ER vet and my mask situation at the time. I’m not as anxious as I was following my mom’s ER visit in March, but I’ve had heart palpitations again. Anxiety or the potential anemia? Who knows. My labs were normal last time. I really want to see a cardiologist, but that’s not likely to happen anytime soon. I’m waiting to see those numbers drop in my area… that two-week drop is still a distant dream.

Day 72, Tuesday

Still having a hard time finding the energy to do much beyond the basics. I’m working, but taking it slow. There’s no writing today.

Posted a check-in video, if only to confirm that I’m still around.

Recorded June’s podcast episode, which was a nice distraction but wired me too much for sleep…

Day 73, Wednesday

Vet got the results. Confirmed lymphoma. At least he didn’t suffer for an extended period of time. Still hard though.

Old department issue came circling back… I’m out of ideas on this one.

Flash floods all over town. Lots of anxiety as the boy got stuck in the middle of the storm and I couldn’t help.

Day 74, Thursday

Took a scheduled day off to celebrate mom’s birthday as best I could. Baked funfetti muffins for her (frosting-less cupcakes, if you will) and picked up dinner for her at KFC, which is her favorite. I ordered her a lovepop card but was too late for it to arrive on time.

Spent some time with the boy. Have to admit, it makes me incredibly anxious every time.

Day 75, Friday

Panic attack or general, un-diagnosed bodily weirdness? I don’t know, but I had to drive the boy to work (his car got damaged in Wednesday’s flash flood) and proceeded to start shaking/going numb/have heart palpitations as I was driving back home.

Day 76, Saturday

I’m starting to learn that extreme exhaustion is a side effect of the attacks I’ve experience. No energy to do anything and dealing with some low-level depression.

Day 77, Sunday

Neighbors started dragging furniture and slamming doors at 5am. This after I couldn’t fall asleep the night before. Another low energy day.

looking beyond myself

There are complicated things happening in the world. My words are not adequate to express the injustice that black and brown folks experience on a daily basis. Take care of yourselves. Protect yourselves.

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life: the morning after

Happy Wednesday, ya’ll! I’m in a morning after, post-concert daze, but the show Rage + Rapture tour was spectacular. Garbage was a formative part of my rock girl feminist education, and more than lived up to my expectations. Blondie is just classic, and was more than I imagined in a live performance. Even the opening act, Deap Valley, was amazing. One of the best shows I’ve seen in a while.

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

Rage + Rapture tour. Garbage and Blondie

the view from winter break

It’s been a busy, festive, relaxing, productive week with lots of time for family, writing, and wellness. Here’s my week in review… with pictures!

Winter lights festival after Christmas day…

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New chakra dream catcher for my meditation space (ie. my bedroom)

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Some mystery for the New Year…

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A little kitty play time

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Lovely lattes and empanadas with the family

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The view from my desk — desert rose selenite for mental clarity and Eve for inspiration (and judgement)

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New mug (because I have a problem)

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New Year’s brunch and new-old traditions after 9 years.

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And saying good bye to 2016 by framing my favorite calendar print.

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the view from Sunday: finding normal

As per usual, I have made the mistake of having too little food and too much caffeine. My head is reeling. It’s not even about the caffeine, I just really enjoy the taste of coffee and coffee drinks. I have a weakness (re: problem).

This was only the second drink of the day… I’m on to three as of writing this (I will stop! no more!)
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I’m still driving around in my mom’s car, so I’ve been trying not to go out much. I’m not scared of driving (I know that happens sometimes after car accidents), it’s just that I don’t want to deal with much at the moment. I’ve been reading, and reading, and reading all day (as you’ll see in Friday’s video, which will feature all the things I’ve read while keeping my mind off the mess). One thing I did do was pick up my new (old) glasses. I wore these for a year before getting a new vision plan, but I always wanted to give them another try.

Here I am in all my lazy Sunday glory—no makeup and silly hair.
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The cats have been all kinds of frisky. Be not fooled by their innocent appearance.
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Happy Sunday! ttfn.

the view from Sunday (night): getting the words flowing

Better late than never, right?

Spent the weekend working on the first round of changes to the draft (based on my own review and beta feedback). This method is working really well given the current state of it, and it keeps me from getting stuck on the details rather than the story. Basically, I’m jumping from beginning to end and back again, before I turn to the messy middle. So far, so good, and it’s helping me get a better grasp on character motivation and development, but I’ll share details later.

The morning started with chai…
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and some inspirational scents. New infuser works beautifully and no cat attacks yet.
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Between breaks, I did some reading…
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Truthwitch was just pure fun and adventure, but now I have to wait for the sequel. boo.

Meanwhile, after years (YEARS) of having it on my wishlist, I finally picked up the Magician books by PC Wrede. Love her. Love the book so far. ’nuff said.

Then the boy showed up, and everything went off the rails. TTFN.