I started so many of these in the last two months and failed to post them. In short, I’m burned out. All my creative juices are flowing towards edits, but my general mood is one of exhaustion, particularly at day job. I’m just managing to work on the stuff I need to check off, not much mental space left for distant goals.
I’m not sure how much longer this feeling will last. It started before the pandemic and has gotten worse since.
In an effort to take control of some aspect of my life, I started a No/Low Buy for 2022 and will be documenting it on my channel.
My 2022 Low/No Buy Rules and Goals
2022 Makeup Inventory
I am also finding new ways to engage in non-spending activities at home.
This month started on the wrong foot and kept hobbling along. Among the disasters were several incidents involving my job and the place where I work in general, including an active shooter threat in my building, which led to a lot of stress and anxiety as admin tried to keep it quiet to avoid panic on campus. No update yet on who wrote the note, but the threat hangs over us.
This week, I got my covid booster, and it knocked me out. Simultaneously, my tuxedo cat went into a respiratory crisis overnight. As I write this, I don’t know what will happen or what his prognosis will look like. I’m anxious and feeling a terrible sense of dread and deja vu after what happened to my last two cats.
In happier news, I made an update to the writing progress series on my channel
Every day, the numbers in the tri-county area are going up and Miami is getting closer to the kinds of numbers we were seeing in July and August. This gives me the same level of hopelessness I felt this summer. I hate it. Wear your masks, everyone. And if you’re coming to Florida for the theme parks or the beaches, remember we’re open because our economy is based on tourism, not because it’s safe.
Day 226, Monday
A busy start to the week with another trip to the vet for Cookie Cat, this time to re-test for FIV. His last test was inconclusive and I need him to be clean before I can bring him home to live with my super delicate little flower of a girl kitty.
Worked on projects that were piling up now that one of my working groups is sort of done… I think. Anyhow, I’m in between tasks for that one so I get to catch up on everything else.
Day 227, Tuesday
Great news! Cookie Cat is clean! I’m not 100% ready for a new addition, but keeping him indoors is the best option for him and my mom already has one secret cat too many in her apartment. I already had a collar for him (was saddened when the first test came back inconclusive), so I ordered a tag to go with it. I need some more supplies to ready for his arrival since I retired Candy Bear’s bowls when he passed. He’s a sweet boy, so I’m hopeful that he’ll get along with baby girl (she has a grumpy face but a sweet temperament).
Day 228, Wednesday
Day 1 of an online conference… Not as enthused about this one as I was the last one I attended. And I’m on the planning committee (yikes). It’s kind of a mess IMO. The online format leaves a lot to be desired for this one. (some do online well, some don’t)
Day 229, Thursday
Underwhelmed by day 2 of the conference, so I spent most of the day writing and catching up on some much needed rest (migraine broke last night, so I was feeling good for the first time in days). Did some cleaning in preparation for Cookie Cat’s homecoming tomorrow. Fingers crossed Also, recorded a short life update because it’s been months and I never bothered to upload the last one I recorded.
Day 230, Friday
Cookie Cat came home. It was an uneventful homecoming. Waiting to see how they react to each other. Got my MRI results. My shoulder is fine but there was a concerning spot on the image. It’s likely a nonaggressive cartilage tumor, according to the radiologist’s report, but they recommend further study. I made an appointment for my PCP per the ortho’s recommendation but I’m feeling pretty low. Wondering if I should reach out to a specialist rather than wait. Had the long-coming, inevitable political fight with my mom. She’s old Cuban. In Miami, that means one thing.
Day 231, Saturday
It was a rough night. Between the cats being too scared and intimidated by each other, I didn’t get much sleep. Add my anxiety about the MRI results and it was not a restful time. I woke up with a very stiff neck, soreness in my arm where the strain was aggravated by poor posture, and one heck of a migraine that made me nauseous for hours. I puttered around the house, tidying and trying to encourage the cats to get closer. Not much luck to start. Squeezed in a 25 minute writing sprint to wrap up a scene, which leaves me with my most productive month of editing, clocking in at 30:32 hours. It’s been a struggle to get into the headspace I need to revise this novel. It’s a romance with a heavy dose of angst leading up to a friends-to-lovers HEA, but getting to that HEA means I have to work through my own anxieties to find the mental space to write. Every time I think I’m moving forward, something throws me off.
Day 232, Sunday
Happy first day of NaNoWriMo! I’m sort of participating as a rebel while continuing edits. Also told myself I would be more active in the community this year. We’ll see how well that goes, but if anyone wants to add me as a buddy, I’m @emperatrix.
Sleep was not had last night. The cats are still skittish around each other and Cookie Cat wants love but also runs away when I approach. Apparently, this is normal behavior for him. It’s going to take a while for him to be comfortable, but I REALLY need sleep. sigh.
All that to say, my weekend writing plans were all a bust, but I managed to wrap up a chapter.
Addendums
For the curious, I filmed a brief October recap/life update. It’s short because my connection can’t handle a massive upload, but such is the current state of affairs (I really miss the ludicrous speed of the university network). Also, filmed before the latest development in my health journey.
Finally, if you need something to listen to while dealing with the existential dread of the upcoming election, the latest episode of The Bluestocking Circle Podcast on Ella Enchanted is now available. I didn’t enjoy the book, but the movie was an experience.
marginalia and such 