The last few weeks have been interesting. I was forced to rest because of an ongoing pain in my ankle, which may or may not have been triggered by an elderly lady literally whacking me in the back of the leg with her grocery cart one fine spring day, but alas. I may not be 100% sure of the origin but I am 100% sure that I am tired of the setbacks when it comes to my physical well-being. I need a list to keep track of all the stupid (and I mean stupid) injuries I have had over the last 5 or so years. Yep, I’m tired.
Anyhow, after several scheduling delays, I got a cortisone injection, dealt with a boot, and then discovered it was all in vain. My pain is likely my Achilles (which I suspected all along!) and not a result of my previous (and repeated) ankle sprains. *deep sigh*
I’m trying other options now. Like DIY physical therapy and shoe modifications (because I’m also tired of spending on doctors and PT appointments when I can do the moves at home–no offense to the PTs. They’re lovely. I just can do without the $40 copay at every visit).
Egads, this blog is getting ranty π . Welcome to life lol.
Anyhow, I went to California amidst all the drama (post-boot, luckily) and returned refreshed, reinvigorated, re-energized, other words that start with R, but mostly ready to take control of my path again. I’ve been floundering and wallowing for too long. I have goals and dreams and aspirations that I’ve set aside and allowed to go to waste for too many months. Depression is a bitch, but I need to do more for myself. Here’s to doing. π₯
Also, here’s to the love SFMoMaxRM exhibit. It got me back to California sooner than I expected and gave me the push I needed to re-engage my creativity. We will not speak of my finances… that is a different project.
Here are some of my favorites from the show.
selections from SFMOMAxRM gallery exhibit
I posted a few more photos from my trip on insta, if you’re curious.
in which I attempt to find joy among the sadness… mostly through avoidance and kpop ππ
otherwise known as where have I been for the last year?
Hey. Hi. Hello.
So let’s address the elephant in the room… I mostly disappeared across most of my socials for the last year. Why? β¨ depression β¨
But, for real. Depression. Like proper, post-traumatic, life-hit-the-fan-and-my-sense-of-identity-came-crashing-down depression. A lot of things in my life ground mostly to a halt, including writing/editing, vlogging, blogging, and more. I fell back on not so great spending habits and burned through a good bit of the previous year’s savings even before the sharp rise in cost of living made things more untenable for my single lady lifestyle.
It’s been rough.
I picked up my camera several times but the thought of putting that energy into the world felt wrong and I didn’t want to have to watch myself while editing, so why would anyone else? I deleted those recordings.
In January, however, I told myself I would stop wallowing and make my own joy, even if things were trash. And that’s what I’ve been doing, though a lot of things have been trash–I injured my foot (don’t ask me how, I have no idea), have had several “why am I here?” moments at work, had to pay for car repairs I wasn’t planning on, and have been living with the real knowledge that I am likely going to lose my dad sometime in the not so distant future (we all live with the knowledge, obvi, but this is knowledge with a countdown clock). My mom’s #1 feline son is also in a delicate spot healthwise (see my last post if you’d like to share or donate to our GoFundMe). It’s been a lot, but I persist! Joy, or else!
Moments of joy captured throughout the summer.
I’ve started writing again, though the progress is slow. I’m committed to publishing late this year, or early next year, and making up for the time this sadness has stolen. I’ve been making more time for my parents and getting closer to old friends. I’ve also been letting go of who I thought I was and filling the well by finding opportunities to connect with who I am as a creative, rather than another cog in the academic capitalist enterprise that is my day job.
More moments of joy.
I made one resolution for 2026: to try a new boba place every month. That’s pretty emblematic of the last year. Small joys, living in the moment, and savoring the sweet things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it leads to more anxiety as I worry about money and the terrible cost of living crisis.
Anyhow, explain to me why it took me nearly two weeks to finish this post? π Time is a construct and I’m going to blame it on the moon.
Amidst the chaos and dopamine-chasing, I told myself the only way out is through, so I started vlogging again. Like this post, it’s a start.
If you’ve made it to the end, you’re a real one ππ«°π»π
Supporting a beloved pet’s emergency care amid financial struggles; your help is greatly appreciated.
Hi all! It’s been a while since my last update and life has been throwing me for a loop.
Most recently, my mom’s cat (favorite #1 son) had to be rushed to the emergency vet due to heart failure. She’s on a very limited income and my own recent upheavals have made this quite the challenge. I created a GoFundMe to help her pay down the ER bill (over $6k) while we work through the on-going costs of Prince’s care until the unfortunate day comes.
If you are able to help, I would really appreciate it. Even sharing the link to the page is a huge help. πππ»
This update is cross-posted from my Substack. If you would like to receive regular writing updates and future book news, consider subscribing to my newsletter.
βπ»Writing Updates
I made the brilliant (re: mad) decision to edit two manuscripts simultaneously, and it was sort of working. Is working. Sort of. I mean, Iβm getting the edits done at a relatively decent pace (for me), but Iβm starting to come to terms that what I thought would be a final proofread for Before You Called Me Baby (Book 1) is turning into a solid final (final) content edit. A mild developmental edit, if you will. Definitely not the simple line edit I thought it would be.
And thatβs ok. Whatever makes the book better. Iβm here for the long haul, after all. But it does mean coming to terms with the fact that I may not hit my fall release goal. Maybe late fall, if my body cooperates (with chronic migraine and summer storms triggering the pressure, thatβs a BIG if). NGL, itβs gotten me a bit down. I amped myself up for a Fall 2025 release since I wrote it in my vision board/planner back in 2021.
If youβve followed my journey onΒ YTΒ or theΒ blog, youβll know I queried for two years while pursuing trad pub before deciding that my work stood a better chance in indie. It was a decision I wrestled with (the thought of being a small business is daunting as heck), but Iβve been all in since I made it. Now, here I am, regretting the years I lost querying and, more recently, the time I spent thinking I was done with edits and ready for proofreading.
Still, Iβm glad I can make these changes before putting it out into the world, though it will mean some tweaks to my publication plan. Iβm also learning that my initial goal to have all three books edited and ready for a (semi)rapid release launch is not going to work. Iβm not a fast writer and editing takes me twice, if not three times as long to complete. Iβm never going to be the writer putting out 5 or 6 books (or more) in a year. Itβs just not in me, unless I quit my day job (and thatβs highly unlikely to ever to happen. Hello, I need health insurance). So, Iβm coming to terms with having to make some realistic changes to my plan, and focusing on producing the best book I create, given my current reality.
Who knows, maybe Iβll get a burst of energy and push through to the finish line to meet my goal. Iβm keeping the hope alive, if nothing else. π€π»
πAnyhow, here is May by the numbers
Current Drafts in Progress: 2
Before You Called Me BabyΒ (Tangled Hearts Book 1)
My Favorite MistakeΒ (Tangled Hearts Book 2)
β²οΈTime spent working:
BYCMB π
Reading: 5 hours, 27 minutes
Read: 66 pages
Revising: 10 hours, 33 minutes
Revised:Β 59.5 pages
MFM β€οΈ
Revising: 7 hours, 26 minutes
Revised:Β 41 pages
Total time spent working on both drafts: 22.86 π
These numbers help me recognize the slow, but steady progress Iβm making. This month I lost 13 days lost to migraine and/or travel. It also took me a few tries to find the most effective editing schedule to juggle these two projects with life and work, but after a couple of weeks, I found a plan thatβs working, even though I missed some days.
As I write this, Iβm down with a cold, but still making progress. Fingers crossed that it stays mild and goes away soon.
Quiet days at the end of March. Date nights, trying the viral Dubai Chocolate (I am a weak human), catching up on work and life chores, and finally(!) sorting through the doll collection I recovered from my childhood bedroom.
*A small content warning for brief mention of loss.*
π
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All the books I read in Q1 (January through March) 2025… romance reads, self-help, and non-fiction
Disclaimer: The cake rating is my totally subjective, entirely arbitrary rating system. If I finished it, you can assume I enjoyed it regardless of rating. 5 π°βs generally mean that I absolutely loved it and will/have purchased a copy for my personal collection.
Read
The Fake Mate by Lana Ferguson π°π°π°.5
My first foray into anything omega verse related, and Iβm sure itβs on the lighter side of things, but it was just what I needed after a truly emotional week. A tropey shifter romance with a fake dating subplot and plenty of spice. Lots of banter and cute, lighthearted romance moments. Very grumpy sunshine.
πΆοΈAll the spice
Things We Hide From the Light by Lucy Score π°π°π°π°
Lucy Score may be my new favorite read. I loved the first book in the Knockemout series and decided to jump back in. TWHFTL did not disappoint! Lucy Score writes a hefty book for contemporary romance, but I find myself loving all the details and character building. This one follows up on the suspense plot laid out in book 1 (watch me avoid spoilers), layering in plenty of emotional baggage, complicated feelings about relationships, and plenty of spice. Plus, thereβs a dog rescue and Iβm a sucker for a dog rescue. I already have book 3 lined up on the TRB shelf.
CW: gun violence, violence and threats against women
πΆοΈAll the spice
A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair π°π°π°π°π°
Plucked from the TBR stack of doomβ¦ A Touch of Darkness hits all the marks I want from a modern Hades/Persephone retelling. And I love a Hades/Persephone retelling. Persephone is a young goddess with no powers, hiding her identity to live among mortals. Hades is a mysterious, misunderstood god who deals in deadly bargains. Persephone gets caught in a web more twisted than she expectsβ¦
Binged it over a couple of days and immediately bought the next book (and here I was, trying not to buy more books).
π«/πΆοΈ Sweet and spicy
Be Your Best Self: Ten Life-changing Ideas to Reach Your Full Potential by Rebekah Ballagh π°π°π°π°
I am a self-development book girlie and I have no qualms about admitting it. I first read a teaser from Ballaghβs book on her IG @journey_to_wellness. She is a counselor, coach, trainer, and speaker who often posts about self-care practices, mental health, fight or flight responses, etc. BYBS presents practical, gentle approaches to address issues like perfectionism, self-sabotage, imposter syndrome, inner child work, and more. I highly recommend if youβre working on a self-improvement journey or want to gain insight on how to be a better friend and ally to people dealing with these concerns.
The Stand-In by Lily Chu π°π°π°π°
Iβm vowed to read through my print TBR and this was one of the oldest titles that had been sitting on the pile (in terms of purchase, not print date).
Gracieβs life is turned upside down when her asshole boss harasses her out a job. Her mom is in a nursing facility and money is tight. Gracie is one catastrophe away from total disaster when sheβs presented with a bargain she canβt refuse: serve as a stand-in for a famous Chinese and pretend to be her during social events in exchange for enough money to take care of her mom and pursue her dream of creating the perfect planning app. Of course, nothing is without itβs challenge, and when that challenge comes in the form of one of the hottest Chinese actors, Gracie knows sheβs going to have to earn her keep.
π«Low spice
On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder π°π°π°π°π°
A tiny but mighty little book. I carried this around in my bag for the last few months, reading it when I needed a reminder of the ways we fight for democracy and protect our peace.
Audiobooks
The audiobooks were really hitting this quarter (and doing the heavy lifting during my long commute).
Surviving Autocracy by Masha Gessen π°π°π°π°π°
An important look at the rise of autocracy in America and a primer for our current condition. Itβs a hard listen, though it did impart some hope. Highly recommend. The audiobook is narrated by the author.
Daydream by Hannah Grace π°π°π°π°π°
This may be my favorite in the Maple Hills series. I borrowed the audio from the library but I definitely plan to get a print copy for my collection. Plays on the βsmart girl tutors jock who needs his pass his classβ trope in the best way possible. Henry is a series favorite and he doesnβt disappoint as the caring artist hockey player who is more than willing to help Halle learn to love herself fully.
πΆοΈAll the spice
Only for the Summer by Abby Jimenez π°π°π°π°π°
The third in Abby Jimenezβs Part of Your World Series starts with an AITA post about a friend, a dog, a broken lease and a terrible billboard. Justin is cursed to watch his exβs get married as soon as they break up. Emma suffers from the same affliction. They team up to break each otherβs curses and go their separate ways. You can guess how that plays out.
I may almost like this one even more than Yours Truly. It certainly made me tear up more. The narrators were perfect and the story made me feel all the feels.
CW: child abandonment, child neglect
π«/πΆοΈ Sweet and spicy
Twisted Games by Ana Huang π°π°π°π°π°
Grumpy bodyguard meets sunshiney princess romance with a palace intrigue side plot. The male narrator was the perfect amount of growly. Definitely inspires me to continue the series.
πΆοΈAll the spice
Dear Roomie by Kate Meader
I am not a sporty girl, but I am a sporty book girl. Part of the Rookie Rebels series, Dear Roomie centers on a hockey player with a reputation for competitiveness and a desperate need to prove himself, the dog he rescues, and the woman he hires as a live-in dog nanny. Itβs a fun listen and just what I needed when everything felt awful with the world.
πΆοΈAll the spice
DNF
The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez
Didnβt quite connect with this one, though Iβm waiting on a copy of the audiobook and plan to give it a second chance.
I lost a dear friend this week and his loss got me thinking about all the things I want to do in this little life and the things I wish I had done when I was younger.
One thing I regret is that I didn’t travel more when I was in my 20s, but the reality is that I was in grad school for nearly 5 of those years, getting started on saving for an emergency fund, and paying down my student loans. I focused on my finances and starting my career, and those are choices that I definitely don’t regret, as they contributed to the modicum of financial freedom that I have now in my 40s. But I do wish I had taken more trips, especially as my migraine condition has taken a larger toll on my life. My last flight was at the end of 2019, right before the pandemic started. I didn’t travel at all, even within the state, for at least two years after that, especially as my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s worsened and my mom’s need for backup increased (the number of times I had to make an emergency drive for one or the other… I can’t even begin to count ’em).
I have a conference coming up (π€π»for a pain free week), but I really want to take some time to explore places around the state, even if money is tight and life is lifeing (i.e. my elderly parents are having a crisis). Out of state travel likely isn’t in the cards right now, but I hope it will be one day. Like I said, I already have some regrets, I don’t want to have even more as I grow older.
My other big dream is getting my books out. I sometimes regret the time I spent querying trad agents. It was a learning experience; I gained insight on the industry, but I should’ve been brave and committed to indie from the start. What I feared most was my ability to build a business and market myself, but it’s not like trad doesn’t require the same level of industry on the part of the average author.
We don’t all get the luxury of aging and I don’t want to waste more time than I already have… I lose enough of my days to pain. I don’t want to lose more to other people’s opinions.
Hug your loved ones, pet your furry friends, and make the big choices while you can. πΌ
π
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