marginalia and such

off the shelf: what I read in May 2020

Still Reading

Chaos Reigning by Jessie Mihalik – my favorite spacey romance series

Finished

It’s Getting Scot in Here by Suzanne Enoch – It was ok. Highlanders, manipulative mothers, and a trip to Gretna Greene. I skimmed the last quarter because I was in too deep and just wanted to know how it ended.

Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey – Siblings with tons of baggage and a road trip gone awry. Also grew a little exasperated with this one, seemed to rely more on love scenes than plot development. I’ve enjoyed all the other books I’ve read by this author; this one just didn’t satisfy in the same way.

Smitten by the Brit by Melonie Johnson – I’m not sure if this reads like old school romance, or the heroine is just that clueless. I received this as part of a blind box from an indie bookstore, so it’s not an author or genre that I normally go for.

A Murderous Relation by Deanna Raybourn – This series is an insta-read for me. Excellent mystery and the slowest of slow burn romance subplots. Historical mystery set against the backdrop of the Ripper murders. It feels like a conclusion, but maybe not?

Audiobooks

Dark Deed’s at Night’s Edge by Kresley Cole – ballerina flapper ghost meets vengeful virgin vampire. We love a virgin vampire! Sort of a friends to lovers in the IADverse.

Dark Desires after Dusk by Kresley Cole – I didn’t love Holly, but I did like Caed. Sheltered, OCD mathematician meets disgraced demon prince. Adventure, betrayal, redemption. A road trip with high stakes that didn’t feel that high TBH, but still a good distraction.

Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole – We enter the realm of light bondage. Enemies to lovers who bring out the best and worst in each other is my kind of kink.

Follow me on

social distance diaries: Days 71-77

Day 71, Monday

It’s Memorial Day. It’s raining and I’m in no hurry to return to anything that looks like a gathering.

Was a little short of breath this morning. I have a pulse oximeter and my sp02 was 94-95 for a little bit, but then rose to 96/97/98 later in the day. I’m hoping it was a fluke, or maybe a sign of the mild anemia that I’ve started to suspect post-period. Either way, we’re back to careful monitoring. TBH, I’m anxious after last week’s emergency trip to the ER vet and my mask situation at the time. I’m not as anxious as I was following my mom’s ER visit in March, but I’ve had heart palpitations again. Anxiety or the potential anemia? Who knows. My labs were normal last time. I really want to see a cardiologist, but that’s not likely to happen anytime soon. I’m waiting to see those numbers drop in my area… that two-week drop is still a distant dream.

Day 72, Tuesday

Still having a hard time finding the energy to do much beyond the basics. I’m working, but taking it slow. There’s no writing today.

Posted a check-in video, if only to confirm that I’m still around.

Recorded June’s podcast episode, which was a nice distraction but wired me too much for sleep…

Day 73, Wednesday

Vet got the results. Confirmed lymphoma. At least he didn’t suffer for an extended period of time. Still hard though.

Old department issue came circling back… I’m out of ideas on this one.

Flash floods all over town. Lots of anxiety as the boy got stuck in the middle of the storm and I couldn’t help.

Day 74, Thursday

Took a scheduled day off to celebrate mom’s birthday as best I could. Baked funfetti muffins for her (frosting-less cupcakes, if you will) and picked up dinner for her at KFC, which is her favorite. I ordered her a lovepop card but was too late for it to arrive on time.

Spent some time with the boy. Have to admit, it makes me incredibly anxious every time.

Day 75, Friday

Panic attack or general, un-diagnosed bodily weirdness? I don’t know, but I had to drive the boy to work (his car got damaged in Wednesday’s flash flood) and proceeded to start shaking/going numb/have heart palpitations as I was driving back home.

Day 76, Saturday

I’m starting to learn that extreme exhaustion is a side effect of the attacks I’ve experience. No energy to do anything and dealing with some low-level depression.

Day 77, Sunday

Neighbors started dragging furniture and slamming doors at 5am. This after I couldn’t fall asleep the night before. Another low energy day.

looking beyond myself

There are complicated things happening in the world. My words are not adequate to express the injustice that black and brown folks experience on a daily basis. Take care of yourselves. Protect yourselves. ❤

Follow me on

social distance diaries: days 64-70

Day 64, Monday

Caved and placed my first instacart order for essentials from a bulk store. I didn’t want to go out three weeks in a row, so it was a choice. I tip well, so this was more than I would normally spend but not like I’m going out to eat, so…
Basically, I’m an over planner and I’m not waiting for hurricane season to ramp up before getting supplies.

Day 65, Tuesday

Dropped the cats off at the vet. Trying to remain hopeful, but kitty has been very lethargic since his last visit, refusing to eat or drink much and just hiding all day. He was fine right before the visit, which makes me wonder if it’s residual pain from the biopsy (having had one, can confirm it hurts) or post-vet visit trauma. Usually, his moods don’t last this long.

Vet called because he found 6 bumps total after shaving him. I never felt these bumps until I felt the first one last Monday. I’m worried it’s an aggressive fibrosarcoma that has already spread, but we’ll have to wait for results. Vet suggested removing the large lump (the first one I noticed) and waiting for those results to decide on next steps. I fear this will be another round of pet cancer and can only hope that I’m wrong.

Day 66, Wednesday

We lost him. Nothing else mattered on this day.

Day 67, Thursday

A rough night, thinking if I should’ve done anything differently, not gone through with the surgery, rushed back to the vet, knowing that he was probably already dying and we didn’t know it until it was too late, that his body couldn’t handle the surgery, that those would be our last moments together. I’m feeling particularly raw. It’s going to be a hard day.

Day 68, Friday

There were meetings. I didn’t have much energy. I took a short walk.

Day 69, Saturday

Starting to feel a little more myself, but I didn’t have the mental space to do anything productive. I worked chat from noon-6pm. The day is mostly a blur. I read most of the day while waiting for chats.

Day 70, Sunday

I thought I would have energy to write, but I didn’t. I read some more. Spent time with the girl kitty.

Much of this week was a blur. Grief is like that.

Follow me on

social distance diaries: days 57 – 63

Day 57, Monday

Meetings all day.

Felt two lumps one my male cat. I hadn’t noticed these before, they’re in a spot that is hard to feel and I probably thought it was the edge of his elbow if I felt it before. I already had a visit set for Wednesday to update their shots, but now I have an added worry. I’m hoping it’s not cancer. I don’t want to go through that again.

Day 58, Tuesday

The best day for groceries is Tuesday. Shelves are stocked and if I stick to my preferred store, I don’t have to go through the stress of an over-crowded store (*cough* Aldi and Walmart) while trying to shop for two households.

My car is suffering from lack of attention. Tire pressure was down and my oil must be pitch by now…

Worried about my dad. My sister (same dad only) has been having some on-again-off-again boyfriend coming over. The kind that doesn’t believe covid is real and refuses to wear a mask. Real gem. She’s also 55 years old, so there’s no pass for youthful ignorance. She just doesn’t care about her parents, both of whom are chronically ill. I just hope they don’t bring contagion into the house, for my dad’s sake as well as her mom, who is a nice lady and doesn’t deserve to be put at risk after having heart surgery less than two months ago.

Day 59, Wednesday

Vet day. Did a contact-less drop-off (or as contact-less as you can get when handing off pets and signing forms outside the office. I got a call in the afternoon that they’re both going to need a dental cleaning (I knew this was coming — they stinky), and the mass on boy cat is going to need to be removed. I’m still praying for a benign lump and not a cancerous mass. Today would’ve been my old cat’s birthday and it’s a little too much to think about another loss.

Ironically, I got my stimulus check today. I planned to donate part of it and save the rest, but it’s looking like there won’t be any saving. I’m probably going to donate to Feeding America, but I’m also looking into animal charities.

Day 60, Thursday

Boy kitty had the smaller lump lanced yesterday. He wasn’t feeling great and spent the night hiding under my bed; I spent the night waking up to check on him. Everyone is deeply tired.

Sent a flurry of emails trying to convince my colleagues to run for open positions on the library and university committees. No one wants more meetings, but it’s part of the job, so someone’s gotta do it (I’m on the nominations committee, it’s not some random passion for committees on my part).

Day 61, Friday

Concerned about boy kitty. He keeps hiding under the bed and I haven’t seen him use the litter box since the previous night.

Worked on annual reviews for my department, lots of email, and scheduling meetings for next week.

Plastered the cracks I discovered on my bedroom wall. No paint, but I’m not really fussed about it at the moment.

Crossed some animals.

Day 62, Saturday

Boy kitty is in a better mood, though I’m worried about what his mood will be after the surgery. He’s been struggling with balance since the biopsy and not eating or drinking much.

More things I did not need: a giant nail in my tire.

Day 63, Sunday

Finished a solid chapter. Spent about 3 hours revising and made good progress. Still slow, but that’s just how it goes for now.

First round of laundry complete.

Frustrated with my weird hippie neighbors. The smell of their weed keeps filtering into my place and it 1) smells awful, 2) triggers my migraines and makes me insanely nauseous. Fun.

Most of Miami is coming out of lockdown tomorrow, but I will remain working from home, likely through the Fall semester. I’m definitely not complaining. I’m not eager to be out in public more than absolutely necessary. My body doesn’t need anything else to fight.

I keep meaning to record a video update, but for now, you can hear my dulcet tones on the podcast:
Episode 32: The Princess Bride
Minisode 32.5

Follow me on

off the shelf : what I read, March – April 2020

I debated recording a video, but I don’t have the mental space to record, edit, and try to upload on my mediocre connection, so here’s what I read in March and April… with super short reviews.

Also, I’ve read a lot of romance and fantasy in the last 4 years… the current state of the world is leading me further down this rabbit hole.

Read

The Beast of Beswick by Amalie Howard – Regency romance meets Beauty & the Beast in this story about a spinster who will marry a “beast” to save her sister.

The Queen’s Gambit by Jessie Mihalik – the leader of a refugee planet crosses paths with the emperor of one of the warring factions that put her people in danger. Misunderstandings, political intrigue, and a rogue with a heart of gold in SPACE.

The Queen’s Advantage by Jessie Mihalik – All I can say is give me more!

Tycoon by Joanna Shupe – a Gilded age novella. Sassy heroine witnesses a murder, runs straight into the arms of a sexy older bank owner. Old old timey billionaire romance

Boiling Point by Tessa Bailey – sexy thriller with lots of dirty talking con artists
Asking for trouble by Tessa Bailey – enemies to lovers with even more dirty talk… Tessa Bailey scratches an itch.

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas – a classic romance (1994) by an author I’ve never read. Fun and not too much of a cringe re: older romance tropes.

The Wicked Deeds of Daniel Mackenzie by Jennifer Ashley – A spiritualist and her mother run afoul of the law when she accidentally knocks out a Duke’s nephew. More misunderstandings, Victorian sexy times. TW for rape and trauma.

Winterwood by Jacey Bedford – Georgian adventure fantasy – pirates! faeries! magical revolution! An under the radar read.

Listened

The Immortals After Dark series – Immortals of ALL kinds. Lots of sex. This is the ULTIMATE paranormal romance series (and it’s 18 books long to date). Mostly enemies to lovers.

A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole – Vampire/Valkryie meets crazed, tortured Lykae. Rapey times ensue.

I initially DNFed this book. It’s extremely rapey, but I’m glad I decided to try the audiobook because the other books have grown on me. Listening is a better experience than reading it because I don’t have to get into the character’s heads. I’m kind of surprised this is the opening to the series because Lachlan’s treatment of Emma is a big NOPE for me.

*still, I persisted*

The Warlord Wants Forever by Kresley Cole (technically a prequel to book 1, novella) – Valkyrie warrior meets Estonian Vampire. It’s a better start than the actual first book.

No Rest for the Wicked by Kresley Cole *loved – Estonian Vampire 2 meets cold-hearted Valkyrie assassin on a magical version of the Amazing Race.

Wicked Deeds on a Winter’s Night by Kresley Cole *loved – Prophecied witch meets grumpy Lykae on a quest to revive his dead mate.

*Kaderin and Mariketa are my favorite heroines so far

Follow me on

social distance diaries: days 50-56

*in which we have a banner

Day 50, Monday

The inevitable migraine day. Spent some time working on a review, but had a hard time focusing.

Worried about the reopening process in Florida. Miami is still mostly under lock down, but public spaces have reopened and (of course) people have been irresponsible in their behavior.

Day 51, Tuesday

Woke up early for the first time in what feels like weeks. Got some writing time before settling in for work and meetings.

The boy came over for the first time since lockdown. I’ve been to his place to do laundry and have a couple of yard dates, but he hasn’t been over since day 1. He was surprised to find that my apartment is unchanged except for the tiny table I use as a work station and the art supplies on my kitchen table. TBH, part of me is anxious about being in close proximity. It’s not a good feeling and I hate that this is even a thought that I need to have.

Day 52, Wednesday

Another exhausting grocery trip. It’s so hard to get everything for two households, I decided to take a separate trip for myself. I have regrets. Also an increased level of anxiety. Every time I go out, I wonder if this is the time I catch the virus. Yes, I’m wearing a mask (2 layers of t-shirt fabric with two layers of polypropylene as a filter. Ordered some filters today); I wash my stuff, quarantine what I don’t need right away, but there’s no guarantee and it’s scary when people are not observing social distance measures.

Day 53, Thursday

Hard to focus today. I’ve reached a state where I’ve had to accept that my writing is definitely taking a backseat for the sake of mental and physical health. My lofty plans are not so lofty anymore and an hour of work 5-6 times a week (even if it’s not a particularly productive hour) feels like a major accomplishment. My goals for the year were upended as soon as I started revising my current project, and the rewrite I planned for the manuscript I queried last year is a distant dream.

Yes, after wrestling with the thought while working on other projects, I realized a rewrite is the best thing I can do for that novel. I started it when I was deep in grad school, finding my feet in a new career, and going through major life changes. It’s a project that has grown with me and one that I come back to again and again because I believe it’s worth the effort. But the effort is still going.

Day 54, Friday

Laundry, we meet again.

The university hosted a town hall to discuss the “repopulation of campus”. The current philosophy is no faculty will be forced to return to campus as long as they can continue working from home. We do, however, have our own number of “essential workers” and I hope we can continue to keep them safe when we do reopen. Things are going to look very different this Fall, with only 40% of the on-campus student population (and that reduced to a hybrid model to limit numbers).

Day 55, Saturday

Decided to celebrate Mother’s Day a day early and ordered lasagna from Olive Garden for my mom. She’s been talking about a lasagna craving for days, but I wasn’t feeling brave enough to go buy all the supplies. Take out lasagna it is. I also got her a tiramisu and soup. She was incredibly pleased. My gran isn’t really aware of what’s happening, so her presents are of a supportive nature to assist my mom with her care.

Day 56, Sunday

Another day at home. Even South Florida is feeling the effects of the polar vortex —- it’s unusually cool for May and it’s been raining all day. Spent a few hours writing, not that I made much progress. It’s as good as it gets. Worried about day, who had a sore throat this morning. Is it his reflux or something worse? My sister lives with him and her mom and isn’t doing much to isolate. I can’t do much other than wait and hope it’s nothing. I feel so helpless. Mom and gran are doing ok, but every day brings a new worry.

Did 30 minutes of Yoga with Kassandra. I’ve been doing her morning movement series (in the evenings), but it’s been some time since I’ve done a proper session. It felt good to get a deep stretch. Needed.

Follow me on

social distance diaries: days 43 – 49

Day 43, Monday

It’s intersession, which means things are slower than usual work-wise. It would normally mean time to catch up on planning for the summer, new research projects, and a physical review of my office and the stacks, but none of that is happening this year. Maybe the projects, but TBH I’m not really in a place for research.

Ordered myself a new phone. I’ve bought myself a couple of things since this mess started, but very few have been non-health or food related, so this feels like a big deal. It’s also necessary because my phone is old and no longer has enough space to run even the most basic of updates. I’m tired of having to delete things to be able to send a picture.

Learned the uni will be fully remote for the 3 summer terms and we’ll be working remotely through May 30th pending changes.

Day 44, Tuesday

Another slow day, though I’m not complaining. I’m concerned about the parks and public spaces that are opening in our county and hope people don’t throw all caution to the wind and start mingling. I’m afraid they will. I’ll still be staying home and only going out for my daily walk and to shop when necessary. With the exception of groceries, I’ve been ordering my mom’s supplies online (including way too much cat food from chewy).

Had a walk, did some yoga, worked on projects, did some meal prep.

Day 45, Wednesday

I listened to a 10 hour audiobook. My air pods are my new best friend.

Day 46, Thursday

A rainy day. Email and writing. Had a walk, baked banana bread. (this is not a quarantine thing, banana bread is one of the only baked goods I make on a regular basis).

Day 47, Friday

Worked on a work-related writing project. Lots of zoom meetings. Quick trip to mom’s but she was in a mood, so I didn’t get to say much.

Played Just Dance as my form of daily exercise (K-pop is the best cardio).

Watched Romancing the Stone after listening to Heaving Bosom’s recap (fun fun!). Spent the rest of the night reading.

Day 48, Saturday

Planned to write, then realized my home as gross and stuff needed to be cleaned NOW. Such is the single life. No one else is scrubbing the grime off my tub.

Started watching the Fruits Basket (anime) reboot on Hulu. Then remembered Fruits Basket is about familial trauma. *cries* I like it more than the Sailor Moon reboot, but the music is not as memorable as the original series.

Day 49, Sunday

Worked on two scenes. I’m tracking my revisions in a spreadsheet and I’m seeing a positive shift re: hours spent revising. It’s not a lot—-definitely not as much as I planned when I came up with my goals for the quarter, but it’s more than I wrote last month, and more than I wrote the month before.

Started having a bit of anxiety last night but I’m trying to stay positive and hope for the best and simply wait to see what happens.

One weird benefit of being home was that I noticed a crack in the plaster above my desk. My apartment is old and was converted into an office at one point in its history, so I expect it’s a bad patch job that started to pull away from the concrete underneath. I ordered wall tape and a tube of plaster so I can repair it to the best of my ability. I really don’t want a handyman in the apartment at this time, and my landlords are likely to hire one of their random day laborers to do the same work, so might as well do it myself. *fingers crossed* this should be enough to keep the patch from detaching.

Follow me on

social distance diaries, days 36-42

Day 36, Monday

Woke up at the crack of dawn to get myself to the grocery store. No lines, because I went to a store in a part of town that’s mostly under construction, so it wasn’t the horrifying/overwhelming experience I had the last time I went shopping. The bill was insane. My mom/gran go through a lot of meat and milks (yes, plural. different kinds, like fishes) and stuff that comes in boxes. $$$$

Took a nap and felt like I lost a decade coming out of it…

Day 37, Tuesday

Ended up having to go back to the grocery store to pick up prescriptions, but there was a refill snafu and inadvertently ended up at the wrong store. Three grocery stores in two days was more excitement than I needed.

Day 38, Wednesday

Had enough mental focus to focus on work and writing. Noticed my feet looking ratchet and decided to give myself a pedicure (damn you seasonal eczema!)… which escalated to an epsom bath, masking, and self-care reading time.

Not so great stuff: kitty has been having what looks like a hairball issue, but we’re going to have to go to the vet to be sure. My gran’s Alzheimer’s has gotten worse since her daycare routine was disrupted and my mom is having a hard time getting her to eat and drink.

Day 39, Thursday

Had a bad night. Insomnia hit and the worries spiraled so that I spent a solid hour thinking about death. I’m nearing my period, which often means insomnia and depression, but this is a darker turn than my usual.

Gran ate, but mom had a hard time with breakfast. It’s hard not being able to help and worrying about what it would mean if she starts to refuse food and needs support. My anxiety isn’t great.

I took a “nap” which was more like an hour-long meditation on the couch. No moving, just being.

Drafted my annual report for work which includes a lot of false starts and “because of coronavirus” explanations for things that didn’t happen.

Day 40, Friday

Was planning on taking kitty to the vet because she was having a hard time passing a hairball, but then I woke to the best hairball ever! Never have I been so happy to see a weird cat by-product.

Chat and video chat with coworker friends. Then a quick trip to mom’s to drop off some stuff I ordered for her. I convinced her to go outside with my gran and kept my distance for a quick visit. My gran looked happy and I’m glad I was able to cheer her up. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in person since her fall and her bruising is mostly gone, but there’s a small bump on her forehead that still hasn’t gone down.

Spent the afternoon alternating between updating my CV for my annual report and driving to and from BF’s house to do my laundry. I’m counting the weeks by the number of laundry trips…

Too tired of cleaning, so I asked the boy to pick up some takeout. It’s the second time I’ve given in to the lure of food from the outside. I gave him cash, since it was my idea, and extra for a decent tip.

Day 41, Saturday

Writing, more housework, laundry. Realized in the evening that I forgot to take my meds, something that’s only happened a handful of times in the last 15+ years. No wonder I was exhausted.

Day 42, Sunday

More writing (I’m so glad I found some of my focus) and lots of rain. Met online to record the next episode of the podcast, which marks my semi regular return from hiatus.

I was tired this week (PMS) but felt generally well. I’m glad of that.

Follow me on

social distance diaries: days 29-35

Day 29, Monday

Did not sign up for the early morning chat sessions and managed to sleep in for the first weekday in a long time. I normally get up at 5:30 and this was a much needed luxury.
Work stuff, writing, and laundry.

Day 30, Tuesday

Another late start to my morning. Still waiting for results, but stomach issues are improving…
Took a walk between chat and meetings. Wrote for an hour(yay!).
Got my results from my doc – CBC, TSH, and LDL all good. Also found out I might be losing my doctors because my insurance hasn’t renewed their contract. This upsets me a lot because this office includes my PCP and my OBGYN (they’re married!). Not the time to need to find a new doctor! Hoping they finalize the contract.
Treated myself to an order of Copper Cow Coffee. It’s pricier than I would normally pay for at home coffee, but less than Starbucks, so it works out.

Day 31, Wednesday

Animal Crossing date with one of my work friends 🙂

Day 32, Thursday

My covid results came back negative. I’m glad but also mildly skeptical because I didn’t have respiratory symptoms, but GI and I’ve read too many articles about the testing issues.

Day 33, Friday

Vitacost had beans and a few more staples I needed… accidentally ordered 3 bags of organic sugar because I clicked the wrong button. Oh well, it will be used.

Day 34, Saturday

Writing, cleaning, a walk, and yoga. This almost feels like a normal day. More stuff arrived in the mail… Did not realize the two boxes of thin spaghetti I ordered were 3 lbs each. Oh well, it’s not like I don’t love carbs.

Day 35, Sunday

More writing, laundry, afternoon coffee, and a nap with the cats. I’m planning a grocery trip on Monday morning to get supplies for myself and my mom+gran. I normally shop as needed, usually every two weeks with the occasional trip to my neighborhood grocer for fresh stuff, but now I’m shopping with 3+ weeks in mind and purchasing staples online as needed. It means the list is HUGE and requires a full sheet rather than a notepad sheet.

My mom and gran get EBT (yes, y’all I grew up poor and they earned very little from low wage jobs so the retirement benefits are not all that), but because of a poorly timed glitch, I’ve been paying for their supplies along with mine since we went into lockdown. Hoping the new pin works, as the last trip made my eyes bug out when I saw the total.

Wish me luck.

Stay safe!

Follow me on

social distance diaries: Days 22-28

Day 22, Monday

It was a long night. I was up from 1-5 because I was having a hard time breathing through my nose and major pressure behind my eyes/forehead. I eventually fell asleep for a few hours after emailing my folks to let them know I wouldn’t be showing up for my 8-10 shift.

Consulted with the university’s medical director (v. nice doctor) who recommended I get tested just to be sure. Based on our conversation, it’s a 50/50 whether my symptoms are mild “asymptomatic” covid (given my possible exposure at the ER and pharmacy within the last two weeks) or anxiety spurring my usual ailments into overdrive (my temperature has fluctuated but never hit fever level, have had chills, rapid heartbeat, tiredness, sinus pressure, a scratchy/sometimes sore throat that comes and goes, and migraine type headache above my eyes, and toilet troubles that haven’t quit for 5 days at as of today).

I managed to get an appointment at one of the local testing sites and have a follow-up appointment with my PCP to discuss my anxiety.
After lots of phone calls, went about my day and finished with meetings and email.

Day 23, Tuesday

Went to the testing site. It was VERY organized (and Miami people behaved themselves!), Showed up an hour early, lined up (you never leave your car), and was being tested an hour later (exactly when I was scheduled). Whether it’s positive or negative, I just want some closure at this point.

Day 24, Wednesday

Went to see my PCP. Wore a mask, everyone at the office was wearing PPE. He ran some bloodwork but shared the same sentiment as the doctor I spoke to on Monday – this virus has a range of symptoms, so we won’t know until we have a test result. Either way, he tested by CBC, HDL, and TSH, to rule out issues related to anemia, cholesterol, or my pre-existing condition.

I’m calm and not in a state of heightened anxiety but my heart still feels like it’s over exerted sometimes and I have to take a deep breath. Lungs checked out fine. Like I told a fried, I wanted that stethoscope action to give me some insight.

The wait for results continues.

Day 25, Thursday

Slept ok. I’ve managed to get a full night during the last two days. Heart has been a little thumpy today.

Worked my usual shift and trying to catch up on emails from the current and last week. So many messages getting lost in the shuffle.

Trying to get back to projects that I haven’t been able to focus on.

Day 26, Friday

Meetings and stuff to catch up on. I haven’t gone outside in a few days because there are too many people out when I’m free. Played Just Dance to exercise.
Started re-watching Buffy as research for the podcast… it’s going to be hard choosing my episodes.

Day 27, Saturday

Another day indoors. Did some writing and took care of housework. The house is still a bit of a mess, but at least it’s something. Joined in on the podcast for a brief return.

Day 28, Sunday

Worked on another scene. At this rate, I will be working on this draft for months, but it’s the best I can manage in my current state of mind. I have regrets but I’m trying to work through them and keep going. Did half my laundry, the rest to be done tomorrow or Tuesday. This is what happens when you don’t have access to a washer and need to borrow your BF’s in order to avoid the laundromat.

My mental state is better at the end of this week. I also feel better despite needing a few more naps than usual throughout the week. Hoping for results (and answers) this coming week.

Follow me on