social distance diaries: days 15-20

* TW: my mental health declines in these.

Day 15

Another rough night, barely slept and had a hard time waking up in the morning… which meant I had to start out of bed and hop right onto chat with little prep. Not ideal, but made it work.

Day 16

The days are starting to blend… things have slowed down a bit, work-wise, and I’m trying to find the mental space to work on more than the basics, but it hasn’t happened yet…

Day 17

The usual, plus a very long meeting watching faculty trying to figure out how to use a survey tool. It was a looooong meeting.

Ordered dinner from a local Greek restaurant for the first time since I started the work-from-home sitch. I tried ordering from two Chinese places and both were closed, which makes me wonder if they were experiencing racism or decided to be safe (hoping it’s the latter and not the former).

Day 18

What day is it again? (it’s Thursday, for the record)

Went to the Outside after doing my first round of chat… more people wearing masks, so that’s good. I wore a makeshift scarf mask and prayed for the best. To keep my mom and gran away from contagion, I’ve been doing their groceries along with mine, which means I spent an obscene amount of money at Walmart, all while dodging people (still no toilet paper or disinfectant. Also, men need to learn to respect the distance). The elders and the cats will be fed for some time (my mom feeds her own cats plus the local colony that she’s TNRed).

Donated to Feeding America. https://www.feedingamerica.org/

Every time I have a cough, I wonder if this is it 😦

Day 19

Started having anxiety attacks again last night after doing what I shouldn’t do and reading covid accounts. I can’t tell if the weirdness my body feels is the usual weirdness or more, which only spurs the anxiety and makes my chest hurt more. It’s hard to focus on anything right now, but I’m eating well, moving, and trying to take care of myself as much as I can.

Had a major panic attack at night and thought I was having a heart attack. It was terrifying and happened more than once over the course of a few hours until I felt like I was dying. Called a 24 hour on-call nurse and 911. My vitals and EKG checked out, so that was a relief, but it took a while for me to fall asleep.

The Weekend

Day 20, Saturday

Called my doctor’s on-call service and spoke with the weekend doctor. She prescribed anxiety meds because I need more than my regular interventions can offer. My usual pharmacy is out of stock at all the nearby locations so I had to call around to find a CVS that had it in stock. It’s an obvious reflection of the times we’re in when all the anxiety meds are out of stock at a major retailer. Waiting for them to be filled and hoping they can stave off the next attack.

Got the meds after a mishap with the Rx transfer. Took the first dose with dinner. The anxiety gets worse in the evenings. I also have a mild migraine and sinus pressure that has been bothering me all day. I slept through most of the morning into the afternoon because I had no desire to do anything. I’m ok at the moment. I just don’t want to feel like I’m dying again.

 

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i’m fraying

My grandmother fell out of bed this morning. She’s being rushed to the ER and I can’t be there to help. My mom is already at risk and now she has to put herself in greater risk. I’ve been having anxiety attacks. This is two ER visits in less than a week for two people who should be as far away from hospitals as possible right now. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it together.

life: with migraines

As I write this, I’m sitting in a darkened room. I took the day off because after 4 days of a steady, throbbing, stomach-roiling migraine, I decided there was no point in commuting for an hour and being miserable. It’s a luxury and a privilege and one that I’m thankful for every damn day because there are days when the migraines are unrelenting and the pain is a constant pressure in my head, my neck, my joints, my stomach… it’s unbearable.

And this is one of the not-so-bad ones. My headache is manageable. I was able to get out of bed. I did my groceries over the weekend, took care of errands, but the symptoms make it hard to function. Sometimes, a migraine feels like a stabbing in my head, other times, like now, it feels like the constant threat of fainting and/or vomiting.

Luckily, the threat has been just that—a threat. Worst are the days when it’s not a threat. I’ve never fully passed out, but my vision has faded in the most terrifying way. And there was that one time I couldn’t keep anything down, even water, and had to go to urgent care.

I share this because it’s part of my reality and it’s one that often leaves me feeling depressed and turning to Dr. Google for help because there’s no other help to be had. Sometimes, I just want to know if someone else has the same symptoms.

For those going through the same thing—I see you.

if you are able, donate

I live in South Florida. I’m equal parts relieved and saddened by Hurricane Dorian’s track – relieved that it missed us, saddened by the tragedy in the Bahamas.

If you are able, donate.

HeadKnowles :: Hurricane Relief :: #Dorian (GoFundMe)

If you’re in SoFla: How to Help the Bahamas (NBC6)

 

On a similar note, the Amazon is burning.

Here’s one way to help: WaterThruSkin – Aid Bolivia

 

Climate Change is real. People can’t “just move”. *steps off soapbox*

video: how I budget

In my Happy Planner review, I mentioned that I combine the Happy Planner budget tracker with a cash envelope and the EveryDollar app to take control of my spending. Today’s video is on the how and why of it – how I budget, why I do it, and what I want to get out of it.

Are you on a debt-free journey? How do you keep track of your spending?

MENTIONED

video: Happy Planner & Budget Tracker – 2 month update

I’m finally getting the hang of the Happy Planner mini (particularly the vertical layout). An updated review of the Happy Planner mini, how I use it, and how I budget using the Budget Tracker insert.

Do you use a Happy Planner? How do you make it work for you? Comment below! 🙂

Want to learn more? Watch my original review.

video: current makeup capsule

My current makeup capsule and a preview of what I’m planning to pan in 2019. My goal is to learn is to fall in love with what I own and curb future beauty spending…

Sorry about the noise in the background. I live on a noisy street.

Are you on a no-buy or project pan? Comment below!

video: Happy Planner mini and budget planner – 1 month review

A look inside my Happy Planner mini (vertical) and Budget Planner sidekick – 1 month review.

I also have a review of the full-size Happy Planner [Girl] + other planners I used in 2018.

A note:
In the video, I say I’m using the “Jordan Sparks” method, what I really mean is the Jordan PAGE method. Whether or not Jordan Sparks has a budgeting method, I dunno.
You can learn more about her method here.

Have you used a vertical planner? How have you made it work? Let me know!

In case you’re wondering, I bought my planners at Michael’s.

video: The Four Tendencies

I became aware of Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies during the summer of 2018 and was fascinated by the idea that people respond to internal and external motivations in different ways. The Four Tendencies is not about changing your habits or personality, but about learning what drives you and how to work with people who respond differently to internal and/or external factors.

Gretchen Rubin offered a Four Tendencies course last fall and I was quick to sign up. I find the whole concept really interesting, and am looking into ways to apply the Tendencies in a work setting.

If you’re wondering, I’m an Upholder. My partner is a Questioner.

Have you heard of the Four Tendencies? If so, what are your thoughts? I’d love to know.