everything and nothing at all
Hi all,
I’ve been quiet on here while dealing with some life stuff and catching up on writing. Due to some recent life stuff, I’ve decided to adopt my penname on the blog and several of my socials, so meet Emilia Grace, romance writer and bibliophile.
After 4 years, 100+ episodes, and countless laughs, rants, and reading recommendations, the Bluestocking Circle podcast is coming to an end. If you ever gave the show a listen, drop a comment below. We’d love to hear from you!
In the meantime, you can listen to our latest episode on Jane Austen’s Sense & Sensibility, or work your way through our back catalog, which will be available on your podcatcher of choice until Sept. 2022.
After that, we’ll find an alternative archive.
It’s intersession, which means things are slower than usual work-wise. It would normally mean time to catch up on planning for the summer, new research projects, and a physical review of my office and the stacks, but none of that is happening this year. Maybe the projects, but TBH I’m not really in a place for research.
Ordered myself a new phone. I’ve bought myself a couple of things since this mess started, but very few have been non-health or food related, so this feels like a big deal. It’s also necessary because my phone is old and no longer has enough space to run even the most basic of updates. I’m tired of having to delete things to be able to send a picture.
Learned the uni will be fully remote for the 3 summer terms and we’ll be working remotely through May 30th pending changes.
Another slow day, though I’m not complaining. I’m concerned about the parks and public spaces that are opening in our county and hope people don’t throw all caution to the wind and start mingling. I’m afraid they will. I’ll still be staying home and only going out for my daily walk and to shop when necessary. With the exception of groceries, I’ve been ordering my mom’s supplies online (including way too much cat food from chewy).
Had a walk, did some yoga, worked on projects, did some meal prep.
I listened to a 10 hour audiobook. My air pods are my new best friend.
A rainy day. Email and writing. Had a walk, baked banana bread. (this is not a quarantine thing, banana bread is one of the only baked goods I make on a regular basis).
Worked on a work-related writing project. Lots of zoom meetings. Quick trip to mom’s but she was in a mood, so I didn’t get to say much.
Played Just Dance as my form of daily exercise (K-pop is the best cardio).
Watched Romancing the Stone after listening to Heaving Bosom’s recap (fun fun!). Spent the rest of the night reading.
Planned to write, then realized my home as gross and stuff needed to be cleaned NOW. Such is the single life. No one else is scrubbing the grime off my tub.
Started watching the Fruits Basket (anime) reboot on Hulu. Then remembered Fruits Basket is about familial trauma. *cries* I like it more than the Sailor Moon reboot, but the music is not as memorable as the original series.
Worked on two scenes. I’m tracking my revisions in a spreadsheet and I’m seeing a positive shift re: hours spent revising. It’s not a lot—-definitely not as much as I planned when I came up with my goals for the quarter, but it’s more than I wrote last month, and more than I wrote the month before.
Started having a bit of anxiety last night but I’m trying to stay positive and hope for the best and simply wait to see what happens.
One weird benefit of being home was that I noticed a crack in the plaster above my desk. My apartment is old and was converted into an office at one point in its history, so I expect it’s a bad patch job that started to pull away from the concrete underneath. I ordered wall tape and a tube of plaster so I can repair it to the best of my ability. I really don’t want a handyman in the apartment at this time, and my landlords are likely to hire one of their random day laborers to do the same work, so might as well do it myself. *fingers crossed* this should be enough to keep the patch from detaching.
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Day 29, Monday
Did not sign up for the early morning chat sessions and managed to sleep in for the first weekday in a long time. I normally get up at 5:30 and this was a much needed luxury.
Work stuff, writing, and laundry.
Day 30, Tuesday
Another late start to my morning. Still waiting for results, but stomach issues are improving…
Took a walk between chat and meetings. Wrote for an hour(yay!).
Got my results from my doc – CBC, TSH, and LDL all good. Also found out I might be losing my doctors because my insurance hasn’t renewed their contract. This upsets me a lot because this office includes my PCP and my OBGYN (they’re married!). Not the time to need to find a new doctor! Hoping they finalize the contract.
Treated myself to an order of Copper Cow Coffee. It’s pricier than I would normally pay for at home coffee, but less than Starbucks, so it works out.
Day 31, Wednesday
Animal Crossing date with one of my work friends 🙂
Day 32, Thursday
My covid results came back negative. I’m glad but also mildly skeptical because I didn’t have respiratory symptoms, but GI and I’ve read too many articles about the testing issues.
Day 33, Friday
Vitacost had beans and a few more staples I needed… accidentally ordered 3 bags of organic sugar because I clicked the wrong button. Oh well, it will be used.
Day 34, Saturday
Writing, cleaning, a walk, and yoga. This almost feels like a normal day. More stuff arrived in the mail… Did not realize the two boxes of thin spaghetti I ordered were 3 lbs each. Oh well, it’s not like I don’t love carbs.
Day 35, Sunday
More writing, laundry, afternoon coffee, and a nap with the cats. I’m planning a grocery trip on Monday morning to get supplies for myself and my mom+gran. I normally shop as needed, usually every two weeks with the occasional trip to my neighborhood grocer for fresh stuff, but now I’m shopping with 3+ weeks in mind and purchasing staples online as needed. It means the list is HUGE and requires a full sheet rather than a notepad sheet.
My mom and gran get EBT (yes, y’all I grew up poor and they earned very little from low wage jobs so the retirement benefits are not all that), but because of a poorly timed glitch, I’ve been paying for their supplies along with mine since we went into lockdown. Hoping the new pin works, as the last trip made my eyes bug out when I saw the total.
Wish me luck.
Stay safe!
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* TW: my mental health declines in these.
Another rough night, barely slept and had a hard time waking up in the morning… which meant I had to start out of bed and hop right onto chat with little prep. Not ideal, but made it work.
The days are starting to blend… things have slowed down a bit, work-wise, and I’m trying to find the mental space to work on more than the basics, but it hasn’t happened yet…
The usual, plus a very long meeting watching faculty trying to figure out how to use a survey tool. It was a looooong meeting.
Ordered dinner from a local Greek restaurant for the first time since I started the work-from-home sitch. I tried ordering from two Chinese places and both were closed, which makes me wonder if they were experiencing racism or decided to be safe (hoping it’s the latter and not the former).
What day is it again? (it’s Thursday, for the record)
Went to the Outside after doing my first round of chat… more people wearing masks, so that’s good. I wore a makeshift scarf mask and prayed for the best. To keep my mom and gran away from contagion, I’ve been doing their groceries along with mine, which means I spent an obscene amount of money at Walmart, all while dodging people (still no toilet paper or disinfectant. Also, men need to learn to respect the distance). The elders and the cats will be fed for some time (my mom feeds her own cats plus the local colony that she’s TNRed).
Donated to Feeding America. https://www.feedingamerica.org/
Every time I have a cough, I wonder if this is it 😦
Started having anxiety attacks again last night after doing what I shouldn’t do and reading covid accounts. I can’t tell if the weirdness my body feels is the usual weirdness or more, which only spurs the anxiety and makes my chest hurt more. It’s hard to focus on anything right now, but I’m eating well, moving, and trying to take care of myself as much as I can.
Had a major panic attack at night and thought I was having a heart attack. It was terrifying and happened more than once over the course of a few hours until I felt like I was dying. Called a 24 hour on-call nurse and 911. My vitals and EKG checked out, so that was a relief, but it took a while for me to fall asleep.
Called my doctor’s on-call service and spoke with the weekend doctor. She prescribed anxiety meds because I need more than my regular interventions can offer. My usual pharmacy is out of stock at all the nearby locations so I had to call around to find a CVS that had it in stock. It’s an obvious reflection of the times we’re in when all the anxiety meds are out of stock at a major retailer. Waiting for them to be filled and hoping they can stave off the next attack.
Got the meds after a mishap with the Rx transfer. Took the first dose with dinner. The anxiety gets worse in the evenings. I also have a mild migraine and sinus pressure that has been bothering me all day. I slept through most of the morning into the afternoon because I had no desire to do anything. I’m ok at the moment. I just don’t want to feel like I’m dying again.
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My grandmother fell out of bed this morning. She’s being rushed to the ER and I can’t be there to help. My mom is already at risk and now she has to put herself in greater risk. I’ve been having anxiety attacks. This is two ER visits in less than a week for two people who should be as far away from hospitals as possible right now. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it together.
As I write this, I’m sitting in a darkened room. I took the day off because after 4 days of a steady, throbbing, stomach-roiling migraine, I decided there was no point in commuting for an hour and being miserable. It’s a luxury and a privilege and one that I’m thankful for every damn day because there are days when the migraines are unrelenting and the pain is a constant pressure in my head, my neck, my joints, my stomach… it’s unbearable.
And this is one of the not-so-bad ones. My headache is manageable. I was able to get out of bed. I did my groceries over the weekend, took care of errands, but the symptoms make it hard to function. Sometimes, a migraine feels like a stabbing in my head, other times, like now, it feels like the constant threat of fainting and/or vomiting.
Luckily, the threat has been just that—a threat. Worst are the days when it’s not a threat. I’ve never fully passed out, but my vision has faded in the most terrifying way. And there was that one time I couldn’t keep anything down, even water, and had to go to urgent care.
I share this because it’s part of my reality and it’s one that often leaves me feeling depressed and turning to Dr. Google for help because there’s no other help to be had. Sometimes, I just want to know if someone else has the same symptoms.
For those going through the same thing—I see you.
I live in South Florida. I’m equal parts relieved and saddened by Hurricane Dorian’s track – relieved that it missed us, saddened by the tragedy in the Bahamas.
If you are able, donate.
HeadKnowles :: Hurricane Relief :: #Dorian (GoFundMe)
If you’re in SoFla: How to Help the Bahamas (NBC6)
On a similar note, the Amazon is burning.
Here’s one way to help: WaterThruSkin – Aid Bolivia
Climate Change is real. People can’t “just move”. *steps off soapbox*
In my Happy Planner review, I mentioned that I combine the Happy Planner budget tracker with a cash envelope and the EveryDollar app to take control of my spending. Today’s video is on the how and why of it – how I budget, why I do it, and what I want to get out of it.
Are you on a debt-free journey? How do you keep track of your spending?
I’m finally getting the hang of the Happy Planner mini (particularly the vertical layout). An updated review of the Happy Planner mini, how I use it, and how I budget using the Budget Tracker insert.
Do you use a Happy Planner? How do you make it work for you? Comment below! 🙂
Want to learn more? Watch my original review.
marginalia and such 