Category: life lately

my summer of seeking joy

in which I attempt to find joy among the sadness… mostly through avoidance and kpop 😭😅

otherwise known as where have I been for the last year?

Hey. Hi. Hello.

So let’s address the elephant in the room… I mostly disappeared across most of my socials for the last year. Why? ✨ depression ✨

But, for real. Depression. Like proper, post-traumatic, life-hit-the-fan-and-my-sense-of-identity-came-crashing-down depression. A lot of things in my life ground mostly to a halt, including writing/editing, vlogging, blogging, and more. I fell back on not so great spending habits and burned through a good bit of the previous year’s savings even before the sharp rise in cost of living made things more untenable for my single lady lifestyle.

It’s been rough.

I picked up my camera several times but the thought of putting that energy into the world felt wrong and I didn’t want to have to watch myself while editing, so why would anyone else? I deleted those recordings.

In January, however, I told myself I would stop wallowing and make my own joy, even if things were trash. And that’s what I’ve been doing, though a lot of things have been trash–I injured my foot (don’t ask me how, I have no idea), have had several “why am I here?” moments at work, had to pay for car repairs I wasn’t planning on, and have been living with the real knowledge that I am likely going to lose my dad sometime in the not so distant future (we all live with the knowledge, obvi, but this is knowledge with a countdown clock). My mom’s #1 feline son is also in a delicate spot healthwise (see my last post if you’d like to share or donate to our GoFundMe). It’s been a lot, but I persist! Joy, or else!

moments of joy polaroid series
Moments of joy captured throughout the summer.

I’ve started writing again, though the progress is slow. I’m committed to publishing late this year, or early next year, and making up for the time this sadness has stolen. I’ve been making more time for my parents and getting closer to old friends. I’ve also been letting go of who I thought I was and filling the well by finding opportunities to connect with who I am as a creative, rather than another cog in the academic capitalist enterprise that is my day job.

more moments of joy polaroid series
More moments of joy.

I made one resolution for 2026: to try a new boba place every month. That’s pretty emblematic of the last year. Small joys, living in the moment, and savoring the sweet things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it leads to more anxiety as I worry about money and the terrible cost of living crisis.

Anyhow, explain to me why it took me nearly two weeks to finish this post? 😅 Time is a construct and I’m going to blame it on the moon.

Amidst the chaos and dopamine-chasing, I told myself the only way out is through, so I started vlogging again. Like this post, it’s a start.

If you’ve made it to the end, you’re a real one 💜🫰🏻🌟

Support Prince: Help a Cat in Need 🙏🏻

Supporting a beloved pet’s emergency care amid financial struggles; your help is greatly appreciated.

Hi all! It’s been a while since my last update and life has been throwing me for a loop.

Most recently, my mom’s cat (favorite #1 son) had to be rushed to the emergency vet due to heart failure. She’s on a very limited income and my own recent upheavals have made this quite the challenge. I created a GoFundMe to help her pay down the ER bill (over $6k) while we work through the on-going costs of Prince’s care until the unfortunate day comes.

If you are able to help, I would really appreciate it. Even sharing the link to the page is a huge help. 💜🙏🏻

🔗GoFundMe

video: March Update ☕ Life Lately: thinking out loud and updates on life, writing, and all the things

a sit-down chat

March has been interesting… I’ve been ill, which means everything has been slow and I feel dreadfully behind. Join me for a sit down ramble as I think out loud about life, writing, and the current state of my projects and editing goals. Plus, thoughts on the future of my self-publishing plan, the indie market, and reading as both joy and resistance in light of the current climate.

💜

For more, subscribe to the blog.

You can follow my “quiet days” on YouTube or follow for writing updates on Substack.

Visit my linktr.ee or learn more about my writing at emiliagracewrites.com.

Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.

video: let’s do our nails and talk about life – a Q1 update

A Q1 life update: coming out of grief and loss, finding financial balance, managing health, and a hint at upcoming writing projects and future publishing goals.

Mentioned:

life: is this my midlife crisis? part 3.

Ways I’m saving my sanity at the moment:

  • Budgeting and tracking every darn cent because cost-of-living adjustments ain’t adjusting around here. Everything is overpriced and we’re all feeling it. NGL, I’ve had a few anxiety attacks about the clear lack of balance in my life at the moment and the only way I’ve managed to get a handle on the anxiety is to track diligently and evaluate where I need to scale back and be more mindful. I’m starting a low/no-buy series over on the channel as a form of accountability and self-reflection.
  • Decluttering. Despite a few small declutters over the last two years, I kept missing the opportunity to engage in a solid, top to bottom declutter over a concentrated period of time. The amount of stuff in my home was starting to feel overwhelming and contributing to the overall lack of contentment that I was experiencing in my space over the last two years. During my winter break, I went through 80% of my home. All that remains is the closet, but that’s a project for another time.
  • Not writing. I finished the project I started last spring sometime near the end of October. I loved writing that novel, but it also helped me realize I was experiencing very real burnout. The number of non-writing days I logged because I felt physically ill or mentally drained outnumbered the writing days (I keep a highly detailed time log with notes). I gained a second wind that saw me to the end when I acknowledged I needed to make a real change in my daily habits and identify what matters most. The draft is waiting to be reviewed, and I plan to get to that in February, but I need to focus on my health and professional goals for a little longer.
  • Moving. Just moving. Walking, running, Pilates, yoga, resistance training. Some days, I just aim to get 10k and call it a win. I’m maintaining a solid routine and regaining the strength and stamina that I lost after 2 sprained ankles, an injured arm (and subsequent biopsy), a nasty bout of covid, and a rough cold.
  • Journaling. A lot. I started doing morning pages in September. One day, it just felt like the thing I needed to do and I’m glad that I gave in to the urge. I don’t journal every morning, but it’s become a regular part of my week. I’m also keeping a health and wellness log where I detail my symptoms, supplements, NSVs, and other changes, plus, my nightly journal (I’ve been using the Leuchtterm 1917 line a day, 5-year journal and just started a new one for 2024).

life: is this my midlife crisis? part 2.

I told myself I would make monthly updates and, gosh darn-it, I will make monthly updates.

October started with intentions. I made goals. I wrote stuff down. I committed to making changes. And changes have been made. I started with a detailed list of all the challenges, traumas, health crises, and major life disruptions that I’ve experienced since late 2016, which I have pinpointed as “the year” when my life started going sideways. I didn’t number it, but the list is three pages long, so that gives you an impression of the kind of burnout I’m dealing with. I even have data to back up the downward trend in my health—year to year since 2017, my average daily steps decreased from 8K (4k in 2020/21, when I sprained not one, but both ankles on separate occasions) to 5/6k over the last year. This might not seem like a lot, but I was a 10K+ girlie for years, leading an active lifestyle and maintaining a solid amount of NEAT throughout the day. So, my first goal is to increase my steps and overall movement. I started by incorporating two walks throughout my workday, using the restroom on the top floor of my building unless I can’t, and clocking 45 minutes of daily activity (with the help of my Fitbit). Doable, realistic steps for my busy, over-committed, short on time lifestyle that are keeping me going and making me feel a sense of accomplishment as I hit my targets at least 5 days a week.

My second goal is to reel in spending. After years of a solid, minimal-ish lifestyle, I went off the rails into depression spending fueled by a treat yourself mentality following the 8 or so months that I spent isolated while working from home. I’ve confessed to this in my vlogs, but I went well into mindless consumerism, particularly when it comes to makeup and clothes. I have way too much and it’s been making me just as anxious as the impact on my wallet. This one has been more of a challenge than the movement goal. I started the month with a solid bout of spending on clothes and makeup before telling myself that enough is enough. I hit a small bump last weekend after a particularly stressful week led to another dopamine-seeking session of semi-mindless consumerism (I say semi-mindless because I don’t regret the actual purchases, and they are of the useful variety, but I didn’t need to make those purchases right now.) Anyhow, we live and we learn.

I started budget tracking after several months of not tracking. Despite the spending sprees, I’m still within budget. That said, everything is more expensive than ever and my rent is increasing for the second time this year, so I’m feeling the strain and it’s triggering a lot of long held anxieties about money that stem from my childhood as someone who grew up poor. It’s a mind fuck, all around.

Subgoals include: increasing protein and watching my carb intake (macro tracking), focusing on strength training and recovery, and regularly analyzing my budget to find ways to save for the holidays and re-establish a sustainable relationship with money and spending.

Small, but steady steps.

I do have an ask though – What are your favorite non-dairy protein snacks? I really miss dairy based protein sources, but the symptoms aren’t worth it to me.