mental health – marginalia and such

social distance diaries: days 85-91

yes, I’m still working from home and keeping my distance. cases are still on the rise.

Day 85, Monday

Interrupted sleep and another bout of whatever hit me on Saturday = a very lethargic day. Maybe it’s a migraine coming? Maybe it’s PMS? Maybe it’s whatever I had in March giving me second go? Who knows. Living with chronic issues is a guessing game.

My general fatigue manifested in some rather low blood pressure in the evening. 75/63

Day 86, Tuesday

Meetings that went on too long, nothing resolved.

Day 87, Wednesday

I’m experiencing empathy fatigue re: my parents. I can’t help them, but the constant barrage of negative emotions coming from my mom, and my inability to do anything for my dad (he lives with people who are actively out and about and bringing people over without a care) are wearing me out. I speak with both of them multiple times a day, but there are times (like today) when all I want to do is say yes, no, and hang up. TBH I have a lot of unresolved issues that stem from the f*ck ups of these two humans.

Day 88, Thursday

We had more than 1600 new cases of COVID reported in Florida in today’s update and, somehow, we’re opening even more places where people gather in large groups… We’re f*cked.

Right now, everything feels hopeless.

On a lighter note, I visited my dad for a distance date. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since quarantine and it relieved some of my anxiety. I brought him a bag of his favorite bagels (he calls them donuts) and he was very pleased by the surprise.

Day 89, Friday

Cue the latest migraine. I’ve been feeling it coming for the last few days — extra fatigue, clumsiness, inability to concentrate, and generalized achiness (also, wrist pain, which is one of my first warning signs). Two days of interrupted sleep and neighbors slamming stuff didn’t help.

Decided to whip out the smaller of my teapots for a renewed, reading time tea ritual. I’ve also started using a small coffee cup with saucer to slow down my morning coffee moment.

Day 90, Saturday

Laundry in the morning, weekend chat in the afternoon. Amused (and confused) to receive an email from the university telling my I owe $3.50 for tuition… I’m a faculty member and haven’t taken a class since Fall 2008. I’m hoping it’s a glitch, but emailed them to investigate. I had enough issues with records when I WAS a student. (as faculty too if we’re being candid).

Podcast recording. (latest minisode)

Day 91, Sunday

Writing and dealing with mom drama. She is the greatest source of stress in my life right now. Yes, including covid, because keeping her safe from infection is compounded by the fact that she has a million health issues and keeps needing to go to Urgent Care Centers with more frequency than ever before… ugh.

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just a reminder…

noah-buscher-580136-unsplash — Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Americans.

Being festive can be hard. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, even if it means saying no.

Mental Health Monday: tuning out

Some days, I just need to tune out. Light a candle, brew some tea, shut the world out.

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I had a hard time letting go when I was younger. In my teens, I felt things very intensely and it was exhausting. As I’ve grown (older, if not wiser), I’ve learned to let go. There are some things I can’t fix. There are some things I can’t control. I’ve learned to focus on the ones I can fix, can control, rather than stressing over the major, epic ones. That’s not to say I don’t have opinions regarding major, life-changing issues (hello, current state of the nation), but I do what I can to focus on the changes I can make close to homd. Some days that’s as simple as writing a letter or email, others it’s knowing when not to get into an argument (I don’t need the grief). My own well-being comes first.

Mental Health Monday: social media purge

Hi all! I’ve been toying with new ideas for the year and I thought it might be nice to do an occasional mental health Monday post, just a little peek into what I do to stay grounded and find meaning.

I recently made the decision to shut down my Facebook and LinkedIn accounts. I found that I got very little pleasure from them and more anxiety than not. LinkedIn, in particular, was a waste and a nuisance. I rarely used it, but I was constantly receiving messages about security breaches. The thought that they couldn’t get their shiz together to secure my account was a deal-breaker after the umpteenth password change.

The election drama was a large part of my decision to quit Facebook. The amount of fake news and poor insight being promoted just made the choice all the easier. Since quitting, I’ve felt a sense of ease that I haven’t felt in a while. I don’t need to make excuses for not returning someone’s add request and I don’t have to censor my views and opinions because I might upset someone I know or work with… ain’t no time for that.

I’ve also started limiting my time on twitter. I love the sense of community among aspiring and new writers, but there are too many battles to be fought and I just don’t feel like getting into it. Cutting back and spending time on actual writing, blogging, and video-making brings me much more joy.

I love Instagram and it’s become my platform of choice for browsing. I regularly declutter my follows and try to curate my feed, but I much prefer the visual pretties over the storm of angry text. Pinterest, still good.

Overall, I’m pleased with the direction I’m taking and am less bogged down by other people’s opinions.