Day 36, Monday
Woke up at the crack of dawn to get myself to the grocery store. No lines, because I went to a store in a part of town that’s mostly under construction, so it wasn’t the horrifying/overwhelming experience I had the last time I went shopping. The bill was insane. My mom/gran go through a lot of meat and milks (yes, plural. different kinds, like fishes) and stuff that comes in boxes. $$$$
Took a nap and felt like I lost a decade coming out of it…
Day 37, Tuesday
Ended up having to go back to the grocery store to pick up prescriptions, but there was a refill snafu and inadvertently ended up at the wrong store. Three grocery stores in two days was more excitement than I needed.
Day 38, Wednesday
Had enough mental focus to focus on work and writing. Noticed my feet looking ratchet and decided to give myself a pedicure (damn you seasonal eczema!)… which escalated to an epsom bath, masking, and self-care reading time.
Not so great stuff: kitty has been having what looks like a hairball issue, but we’re going to have to go to the vet to be sure. My gran’s Alzheimer’s has gotten worse since her daycare routine was disrupted and my mom is having a hard time getting her to eat and drink.
Day 39, Thursday
Had a bad night. Insomnia hit and the worries spiraled so that I spent a solid hour thinking about death. I’m nearing my period, which often means insomnia and depression, but this is a darker turn than my usual.
Gran ate, but mom had a hard time with breakfast. It’s hard not being able to help and worrying about what it would mean if she starts to refuse food and needs support. My anxiety isn’t great.
I took a “nap” which was more like an hour-long meditation on the couch. No moving, just being.
Drafted my annual report for work which includes a lot of false starts and “because of coronavirus” explanations for things that didn’t happen.
Day 40, Friday
Was planning on taking kitty to the vet because she was having a hard time passing a hairball, but then I woke to the best hairball ever! Never have I been so happy to see a weird cat by-product.
Chat and video chat with coworker friends. Then a quick trip to mom’s to drop off some stuff I ordered for her. I convinced her to go outside with my gran and kept my distance for a quick visit. My gran looked happy and I’m glad I was able to cheer her up. It’s the first time I’ve seen her in person since her fall and her bruising is mostly gone, but there’s a small bump on her forehead that still hasn’t gone down.
Spent the afternoon alternating between updating my CV for my annual report and driving to and from BF’s house to do my laundry. I’m counting the weeks by the number of laundry trips…
Too tired of cleaning, so I asked the boy to pick up some takeout. It’s the second time I’ve given in to the lure of food from the outside. I gave him cash, since it was my idea, and extra for a decent tip.
Day 41, Saturday
Writing, more housework, laundry. Realized in the evening that I forgot to take my meds, something that’s only happened a handful of times in the last 15+ years. No wonder I was exhausted.
Day 42, Sunday
More writing (I’m so glad I found some of my focus) and lots of rain. Met online to record the next episode of the podcast, which marks my semi regular return from hiatus.
I was tired this week (PMS) but felt generally well. I’m glad of that.
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marginalia and such 
So. My sister and I both have our insomnia get much worse in the week before our periods start. Always. This seems to be a fairly common thing. And yet, doctors still can’t figure out WHY we’re having insomnia, though it’s clearly linked to hormones in some way – not to mention my sister and I both developed insomnia when we were 32 years and 7 months old, even though she’s two years younger than me. That’s just too much of a coincidence. There has to be some kind of genetic component – like maybe our hormones changed at that age – and if doctors would actually start doing studies on women instead of men, maybe we’d get some answers… But that’s just my rant for the day.
I’m sorry you had a tough week. It’s been pretty bad here, too. Morrigan’s gotten to the point where he thinks it’s worth risking all our lives to see his friends, and he’s decided that I don’t have an underlying condition or an autoimmune disorder, that I’m making it up to control his life. So much banging my head on the wall. I want the kid to go live on his own and GROW UP. It may come to that by the end of the summer. We’ve told him if he disregards the rules of the house and just leaves, he’s not welcome to return. I love you, kid, but I”m not risking my health or Jason’s or your brothers’ health…
Same! I think I was 31/32 when it started as well. I do pretty well with 1 specific brand of melatonin gummies, but it started soon after I hit my 30s and I’m also certain it’s hormonal. I’m fairly certain my migraines are tied to it and I’m still not fully convinced by the PCOS diagnosis, but what can you do?
Ugh. The children. *shakes head* I was having a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about what this would’ve been like when I was a teen. I don’t know if I’m being idealistic, but I was always concerned for my parents’ health so I like to think that I would’ve been ok with being home (maybe it’s my internalized trauma because they were older and never in great health). I can’t imagine being a mom in these times. I have a friend with two kids, and my aunt is pregnant with her second baby, and all I can do is wish them the best because it’s an impossible situation for all.