I lost a dear friend this week and his loss got me thinking about all the things I want to do in this little life and the things I wish I had done when I was younger.
One thing I regret is that I didn’t travel more when I was in my 20s, but the reality is that I was in grad school for nearly 5 of those years, getting started on saving for an emergency fund, and paying down my student loans. I focused on my finances and starting my career, and those are choices that I definitely don’t regret, as they contributed to the modicum of financial freedom that I have now in my 40s. But I do wish I had taken more trips, especially as my migraine condition has taken a larger toll on my life. My last flight was at the end of 2019, right before the pandemic started. I didn’t travel at all, even within the state, for at least two years after that, especially as my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s worsened and my mom’s need for backup increased (the number of times I had to make an emergency drive for one or the other… I can’t even begin to count ’em).
I have a conference coming up (🤞🏻for a pain free week), but I really want to take some time to explore places around the state, even if money is tight and life is lifeing (i.e. my elderly parents are having a crisis). Out of state travel likely isn’t in the cards right now, but I hope it will be one day. Like I said, I already have some regrets, I don’t want to have even more as I grow older.
My other big dream is getting my books out. I sometimes regret the time I spent querying trad agents. It was a learning experience; I gained insight on the industry, but I should’ve been brave and committed to indie from the start. What I feared most was my ability to build a business and market myself, but it’s not like trad doesn’t require the same level of industry on the part of the average author.
We don’t all get the luxury of aging and I don’t want to waste more time than I already have… I lose enough of my days to pain. I don’t want to lose more to other people’s opinions.
Hug your loved ones, pet your furry friends, and make the big choices while you can. 🌼
💜
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Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.
marginalia and such 