Day 71, Monday
It’s Memorial Day. It’s raining and I’m in no hurry to return to anything that looks like a gathering.
Was a little short of breath this morning. I have a pulse oximeter and my sp02 was 94-95 for a little bit, but then rose to 96/97/98 later in the day. I’m hoping it was a fluke, or maybe a sign of the mild anemia that I’ve started to suspect post-period. Either way, we’re back to careful monitoring. TBH, I’m anxious after last week’s emergency trip to the ER vet and my mask situation at the time. I’m not as anxious as I was following my mom’s ER visit in March, but I’ve had heart palpitations again. Anxiety or the potential anemia? Who knows. My labs were normal last time. I really want to see a cardiologist, but that’s not likely to happen anytime soon. I’m waiting to see those numbers drop in my area… that two-week drop is still a distant dream.
Day 72, Tuesday
Still having a hard time finding the energy to do much beyond the basics. I’m working, but taking it slow. There’s no writing today.
Posted a check-in video, if only to confirm that I’m still around.
Recorded June’s podcast episode, which was a nice distraction but wired me too much for sleep…
Day 73, Wednesday
Vet got the results. Confirmed lymphoma. At least he didn’t suffer for an extended period of time. Still hard though.
Old department issue came circling back… I’m out of ideas on this one.
Flash floods all over town. Lots of anxiety as the boy got stuck in the middle of the storm and I couldn’t help.
Day 74, Thursday
Took a scheduled day off to celebrate mom’s birthday as best I could. Baked funfetti muffins for her (frosting-less cupcakes, if you will) and picked up dinner for her at KFC, which is her favorite. I ordered her a lovepop card but was too late for it to arrive on time.
Spent some time with the boy. Have to admit, it makes me incredibly anxious every time.
Day 75, Friday
Panic attack or general, un-diagnosed bodily weirdness? I don’t know, but I had to drive the boy to work (his car got damaged in Wednesday’s flash flood) and proceeded to start shaking/going numb/have heart palpitations as I was driving back home.
Day 76, Saturday
I’m starting to learn that extreme exhaustion is a side effect of the attacks I’ve experience. No energy to do anything and dealing with some low-level depression.
Day 77, Sunday
Neighbors started dragging furniture and slamming doors at 5am. This after I couldn’t fall asleep the night before. Another low energy day.
looking beyond myself
There are complicated things happening in the world. My words are not adequate to express the injustice that black and brown folks experience on a daily basis. Take care of yourselves. Protect yourselves. ❤
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marginalia and such 
When I read Burnout last fall, it talked about the Freeze instinct when fight/flight doesn’t work. An animal will freeze/play dead in order to survive, and when they come out of the freeze, they shake and generally act like when you’re coming out of shock. It happens to some people post-surgery when they come out of anesthesia, too. Your reaction might possibly be the same sort of thing – you do what you have to do, then your body goes through a trauma reaction afterwards. *hugs*