Tag: personal essay

the view from Sunday, 6.25

Recovering from Illness: Finding Balance and Rest

And we’re back! Apparently, my body likes to remind me to rest by going absolutely ballistic and making me crash. I may have caught a mild bout of norovirus or ingested something absolutely heinous… no official diagnosis, but it had me 🤢🤮 for three days and left me with an awful, pounding migraine attack for well over a week. It took me about a week and a half to fully recover (eg. get back to my usual state of low grade exhaustion), during which I mostly became one with my bed (full rotting mode activated), consumed hours of Hulu’s How I Escaped My Cult, read a physical book and listened to an entire audiobook, and engaged in very little activity besides a few walks. It was a lot and left me feeling very behind in work/life/writing/general housekeeping. I hate this feeling, but I also hate I feel this way at all.

musings and ramblings from my sick bed

I am a frequent proponent of rest, so why is it that it takes an illness for me to take the kind of rest I so desperately need lately? Part of it is the pressure to meet the goals I set for writing and publishing in 2025. I’m not the quickest editor and I have three drafts in various stages of revision. I also have a list of to-dos to prepare for publishing. If I’m going to meet those goals, I have to work and that means consistency. Consistency means pushing through the days when I’m not motivated or energized. Lately, that’s been a real challenge. I even suspect I may be cycling through burnout again. The current state of affairs has been a distraction and source of anxiety, making writing even more difficult, let alone concentration. All this to say, the times are tough and my brain is on fire.

I started editing this week but it’s going at a snail’s pace. I want to do more. I want to write. But I pull up the draft and I can barely get the words to come together. 😞 Even writing about this has been difficult . Thinking through the mess of feelings/doubts, wondering if the effort will be worth it… It’s paralyzing, but there’s no way out but through. I’m going to keep chugging along and doing my best, because giving up isn’t an option for me. Rest, however, needs to be a top priority. It’s been too easy to fall back on old habits and doomscroll before bed. I need to re-establish a solid nighttime routine minus screens. I have a pile of print books. Let’s turn to reading instead scrolling. Reading is and has always been my greatest source of comfort. Back to books! Back to tea! Back to getting in bed before midnight and actually getting a solid night’s sleep! We can do this!

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, stick around and subscribe. 💗 You can also subscribe to my “quiet days” vlog series on YouTube or learn more about my writing at emiliagracewrites.com. I also post about my writing process on Substack. For more, visit my linktr.ee

Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.

the view from Sunday, 4.25

on love languages and Valentine’s Day

My love languages are time and touch, my partner’s are gifts and service, all this to say that Valentine’s Day (and birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries) is always an interesting time. This year, I’m deep into my low buy, and gifts are one area that I’m working on. I don’t want to engage in hyperconsumerism, and I know that we both have more than enough, so I’ve been focusing on experiences.

He’s been meeting me halfway. This year’s surprise was a luxury dining experience (which was lovely and not a little intimidating). However, as a gift person, he can’t help but gift an object in addition to the experience. I appreciate every gift, even as I stifle the thrifty girl in me who can’t help but cringe at the expense. It’s the challenge of having different values when it comes to objects and money–it’s not always easy, but after 16 years, I’ve learned to accept and appreciate (and only cringe a little). Relationships are hard. They take work. Understanding where he’s coming from (and how my own history colors my view on gifts) has helped as I try to balance living with less and appreciating the gifts that come into my life.

For more, subscribe to the blog.

You can also follow my “quiet days” YouTube or follow me on Substack.

Visit my linktr.ee or learn more about my writing at emiliagracewrites.com.

Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.

the view from Sunday, 3.25

on distractions, dread, and not doing much

my latest read, journaling and migraine essentials

I’m stuck.

The events of the last two weeks have taken a sledgehammer to my carefully laid out writing goals. Try though I might not to get sucked into the spiral of bad news, bad thoughts, and bad dreams, I can’t help it. I’m in that weird place between needing to know and knowing that there’s not much I can do. It’s also been a week at work, so I’m feeling extra vulnerable. As an elder millennial, I’m definitely part of the generation that always feels on edge about the future. I’m a generally optimistic person (or, at least, I try to be), but there are no guarantees in life and never does that feel more true than right at this moment.

One thing I noted during the course of my low/no buy, I never feel like I’m doing well. All my needs are met, but I always carry this sense of dread that I’m one stumble away from total disaster. Partly, it’s the ghost of growing up poor. Partly, it’s the very real truth that most Americans are one emergency away from total disaster. I’m doing fine. I know I am. My financial advisor tells me I’m doing fine.

It doesn’t change anything. I still carry that seed of dread.

So, here I am. Trying to keep the anxiety at bay, resisting the extremely counterproductive urge to buy stuff I don’t need for a hit of dopamine (the only thing I need is a new pair of shoes), and moving today’s to-do’s to tomorrow.

The growing list:

  • start editing Book 2 (started today)
  • edit and post two videos
  • publish the weekly blog entry
  • deep clean the bathroom (I’ve got a mold issue that needs extra attention.)
  • clean the apartment
  • print my new decluttering tracker and schedule 15 minutes a day to declutter
  • do my taxes
  • start the business of starting a business… (and all the steps therein)

and those are just the personal tasks.

I’ll get to them. It’ll be fine. These are the small things I can control, I’ll take them one at a time. It’ll be fine. For now, I’m reading The Stand-in by Lily Chu, cozying in bed with the cats, and not worrying about it.

I’ll get unstuck tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m going out for ice cream. 🍨

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, stick around and subscribe. 💗

You can also subscribe to my “quiet days” vlog series on YouTube or learn more about my writing at emiliagracewrites.com. I also post about my writing process on Substack. For more, visit my linktr.ee

Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.

the view from Sunday, 2.25

reflections on movement and aging well

on movement

I turned 40 last year, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned as the daughter of two senior parents with complicated health issues, it’s that movement is essential to positive health outcomes. No, movement isn’t a cure for everything—medical care is crucial and should be a human right, but we all know how that is going, at least in America. But back to movement… I have a complicated history with movement. I hated the run laps around the gym/sit-ups/public shaming of childhood gym class. I also had a weird history with medical professionals that convinced my mom that exercise was bad for my back. Hello, spina bifida occulta. Yes, I have a bad back, not engaging in core exercises was probably not the best idea, but here we are.

My small collection of dumbbells

My love of movement started in my 20s, when I started with walks around campus, which later morphed into interval runs, 5ks, yoga, and Pilates at home (thank you, local library DVDs). Enter full time employment, long commutes, and hours of sitting at a desk for work and creative pursuits, and my relationship with movement started to look a little different. It became harder to run every day, so yoga for more than 20 minutes a few times a week, or do more than catch a few minutes of walking during my breaks. I have a love/hate relationship with my office—it’s beautiful, the location gives me ample opportunity to walk in nature, but my 2-hour commute is a killer for movement. Over the last 10 years (wow!), it’s done a number on my physical wellness. Add several injuries over the last 4 years (I am the Queen 👑 of stupid falls), and I hit 40 feeling like I was never going to get my stamina back.

So, last year, I made it my mission to do something about it. I started lifting weights… light weights at first, because a shoulder injury in 2020 led to a biopsy that led to an “inconclusive” discovery, and 5 years later, I’m due for my yearly check-up to make sure nothing has changed.

getting a biopsy in the middle of the pandemic was an experience

All that to say, my right shoulder has been through it and I still don’t know why it likes to hurt on occasion, though I now know how to recognize the signs to prevent further injury.

Last June, I started doing Lift with Cee’s full body lifting workouts, using 5 and 8 lb weights, and struggling to complete some of the moves.

Nearly 7 months later, I’m up to 15s and 12s, using the 8s and 5s for the moves that trigger the shoulder twinge, or when that luteal phase is hitting hard. I’m lifting 3 days a week and I have seen the changes in my body, but the greatest change is knowing that I’m taking steps towards ensuring that I can continue to be independent as I age. I hurt my knee last April (like I said, lots of injuries), and being able to bend into a squat has been such a blessing. I’ve done physical therapy for the shoulder and the knee, and both times, my main goal has been to be able to get back to a place where I can continue to engage in movement without pain.

My dad had hip surgery when I was in college, so about 18 years ago. Because of complications, he never fully recovered. His arthritis has only gotten worse and he has reached a stage where he is in near constant pain and severely limited in his mobility. Anything can happen between now and the time I reach my dad’s age, but I know that the best thing I can do to prepare for that is to keep moving and build strength to support my already genetically messed up joints.

Here’s to aging well 🥂

If you’d like to follow me on this journey, stick around and subscribe. 💗

You can also subscribe to my “quiet days” vlog series on YouTube or learn more about my writing at emiliagracewrites.com. For more, visit my linktr.ee

Note to longtime readers: In case you missed the last year’s update, I changed my name to Emilia Grace on most of my socials to align with my penname.