safer at home diaries – marginalia and such

Day 113, Monday

Quick trip to the cardiologist’s office to return the monitor I wore on Friday/Saturday. I’m not sure it will reveal much since I didn’t have any heart palpitations of note during that period 😦

Day 114, Tuesday

Had to go to mom’s to supervise her telemed appointment. She’s barely mastered how to use FaceTime, Zoom wasn’t happening. TBH, I didn’t feel great about having to be there to help. After two visits to the Dr’s office in as many weeks, and a couple of quick trips for food, I don’t feel right being around her and my gran, even if I’m masked and keeping my distance.

Day 115, Wednesday

Logged in to email to find a mess of a situation that needed my attention. It drained what was left of my spirit this week. Decided to take the next two days off, since I’m working over the weekend. I feel like every day off I’ve had in the last few months has turned into an ordeal involving family and/or cats. Even my birthday weekend was complicated by other people’s problems. I’m hoping for two quiet days… or as quiet as they can get. I have to watch my gran on Friday while my mom gets blood work for her followup. As before, not feeling great about the risk.

Day 116, Thursday

I took a day off. I needed it. I told myself it would be a good day.

Day 117, Friday

Another day off, this time with obligations. Had to watch my grandmother while my mom went to her dr’s office for a labwork appointment. And I’ll be heading back tomorrow to take one of her strays to the vet. There is so much happening right now, and I’m grateful that I can keep my mom and gran safe, but I’m just so TIRED of having a new crisis every single week. I’m also tired that she keeps “adopting” strays. It’s a real problem. She has a very limited fixed income, and I can’t afford to cover her vet bills on top of mine. My cats came from her colony after they developed health issues… I sometimes wish I had the following to set up a fund set to offset the constant cost. She wants to help every creature (so do I), but she forgets that she’s poor.

We’re also in the middle of a heat wave that’s set to run through the weekend into Monday. I don’t want to spend hours sitting in a hot car (hello, pandemic hot spot) while I wait for the vet, but I also don’t want to neglect a cat that needs help 😦

Day 118, Saturday

To the vet we went. Kitty had to spend the weekend until Monday. It’s an abscess (second time this happens) and not any of the other increasingly more terrible possibilities my mom dreamed up.

Day 119, Sunday

Weekend chat. It was long and dull.

Meanwhile, Miami is now the hottest of hotspots and I’m seeing an increasing number of out-of-state plates in the area (there are hotels not far from where I live and they’re definitely housing tourists). Don’t even get me started on the videos coming out of Disney…

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keep wearing those masks. make it fashion.

Day 100, Tuesday

Trying to get back into the swing of things after being out for two days. It doesn’t seem like a long time, but emails have a way of multiplying even under normal work circumstances… meetings kept me from getting much done TBH.

Day 101, Wednesday

Day off for doctor’s visits (for myself and mom).

One of my coworkers had a heart attack recently, and my mom’s neighbor had a stroke… that spurred me to finally see a cardiologist to discuss the heart palpitations, faintness/dizziness, shortness of breath I’ve been experiencing for a little over a year.

For the record – I’ve seen my GP twice (after the first time I nearly passed out and, more recently, when he prescribed anxiety meds), as well as my endocrinologist, and my gyno to check all my hormone levels… none of them found anything, but I’m not fully satisfied with anxiety as a diagnosis. For one, my mom has mitral valve prolapse; I don’t want a misdiagnosis if it’s more than anxiety (there was no pandemic when it started), or a regular part of my body being slightly different.

I have a followup scheduled for an EKG, stress test, and Holter monitor.

Day 102, Thursday

Finally catching up on work… It’s surprising how quickly things pile up, even when I tend to stay on top of tasks and prioritize.

We’ve finally hit the summer heatwaves and it’s been miserable being at home (I don’t have central AC and my wall units can barely cool the room when the sun hits in the afternoon).

Sunset was at 8:15pm FFS. The sun was unrelenting.

Day 103, Friday

It’s HOT. I ordered a second fan to try to cool my home office (ie, my living room) while I keep working from home. Kitty is as languid as I feel. I think she’s shed some of her undercoat because she looks slimmer. I feel ya, kitty.

Finally feeling better after a three day migraine attack. I’m pretty sure it was caused by my lack of restraint over the weekend (there was dairy and other stuff that doesn’t sit well with my body) and the heat.

No heart palpitations today, so that’s a plus.

Meanwhile, the state just announced 9000 covid cases in a single day. Wear your masks, people! I have zero tolerance for selfish disdain for human life.

Day 104, Saturday

I’ve felt decent for the last two more… more than decent actually, and I’m taking full advantage of the ability to focus and write.

Since I haven’t been going out to eat (I can count the number of times I’ve had takeout), I decided to take the plunge and try Daily Harvest. 1) because I’m tired of coming up with lunches and snacks, 2) because I’ve been eyeing their ads forEVER. If you want to try it yourself, I have a referral link.

Day 105, Sunday

Another good writing day. Using a timer and setting pomodoro type sessions has helped me reset my writing routine for the weekend. My weekday writing sessions are usually an hour long, but I’ve had a hard time sitting with the words when there’s so much to do at home. This is an improvement.

Listened to an excellent episode of Smart Podcast, Trashy Books. Highly recommend. It was just what I needed to remind me that it’s ok to just take care of myself and stop. Episode 411. Caring for Tired Brains with Alexis Rockley

Meanwhile, the number of covid cases keeps hitting new highs. I’m still working from home, my risk is minimal, but I’m also an empathetic person. Between the fear and sense of collective grief, it’s been tough. YouTube videos from folks who’ve survived the virus are one of my weird ways to find hope.

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