life updates – Page 4 – marginalia and such

social distance diaries: days 345-351

Day 345, Monday

Back to the DMV! Success this time! It took longer to get to the office than it did to get my license renewed, but I’m so glad the wait was short and the place wasn’t scary packed like the last one I tried. ICYMI – I spent three hours shuffling around a mall food court packed with dozens of people while waiting to get into the DMV office, only to find that the state system went offline and was unlikely to come back up before closing. After a tense wait, I was forced to reschedule. Today’s visit was painless and quick.

Took the rest of the day off to write and work through some stuff at home, though I couldn’t resist checking email for updates on the latest drama.

Day 346, Tuesday

Back at it. Another day with more questions than answers, but we’re starting to get a clearer picture of the situation. It’s not great, but there is some flexibility. I’m taking what I can get and making it work for my department with as little risk as possible.

Day 347, Wednesday

Trying to catch up on the conference sessions I missed when WriteOnCon was live by making time in the evenings after dinner. Even though I’m not a kidlit writer, I LOVE the practical aspects of this conference. I don’t invest as much as I should into my development as a writer because of the cost, but I’m trying to do better this year and work through my money hang-ups (poverty PTSD?).

Day 348, Thursday

What even happened on Thursday? It fell into the void.

Day 349, Friday

Woke up at 4am, but was it the wild dream or the cats that woke me? Maybe both. The living room was in a STATE when I got up to feed them.

Despite the lack of sleep, managed to get through the four hours of writing I set as my goal for the day.

Day 350, Saturday – Day 351, Sunday

Spent the weekend working on revisions and making the most of my time. My current method is working better than any I’ve tried before, resulting a lot of efficiency and less anxiety re: slow progress. Started feeling a migraine coming on Saturday afternoon. Anyone else experience full-body fatigue and joint pain before a migraine? I’ve identified it as a sign of prodrome, but I’m curious how common it is.

On Monday, I head back to the office for the first time in nearly a year. Yes, I’m anxious. It feels poorly planned and poorly reasoned. Let’s not get me started on the UK variant predicted to take over the majority of Florida’s covid cases in the coming weeks. I’m not happy about it. I’m trying to make the best of it, but I don’t feel ready to be in an office setting and will start posting passive aggressive signage if people wander to my door to have a pointless conversation.

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social distance diaries: days 338-344

Day 338, Monday

Covid test and breakfast with the boy. First time I’ve sat outside a restaurant, but it was empty and no one was walking by so I felt ok about it.

Day 339, Tuesday

Got our results! Both of us were negative. And, this is sappy, but because we were both negative, I felt safe kissing my boyfriend for the first time in almost a year. It’s been a difficult time for us both.
Meetings… workout, started tidying in between meetings and lunch.

Day 340, Wednesday

Went on a jog for the first time in FOREVER! Since the day I sprained my ankle.
Filed mom’s taxes! Wohoo! One thing scratched from my to-do list!
Tidied around my desk because it was a disaster of random documents.

Day 341, Thursday

We’re getting more mixed messages about returning to campus. I’m trying to remain proactive and establish a plan before things advance, but it’s hard to wrap my head around the demoralizing reason behind this sudden push and the uncertainty surrounding an increase in the number of students in the future. Why bother protecting faculty for nearly a year only to create a super spreader event in the Fall (maybe Summer)? I’m not the only one who feels this way.

Day 342-344 Friday – Saturday – Sunday

WriteOnCon and Virtual Writing Retreat with the Heart Breathings sprint group. I debated not revising until Monday, but then I started and found the sprints incredibly motivating. I did some decluttering to clear my space and my head, and some laundry to get it out of the way. I have a lot of mixed feelings about returning to the office, but I’m not going to worry about that for a few days. Back to the DMV on Monday. That’s my most pressing concern. I’ll start transitioning back to the office and hope for the best in a couple of weeks. It’s a very complicated situation. I can’t be compelled to return until May, but I have my own reasons for wanting to slowly transition back rather than deal with an abrupt return. So many anxieties surround the possibility of contagion and the awful circulation in my office. I’m grateful for the relative safety I’ve had while WFH-ing, but this is a rush job and no one is happy about the reasoning behind it or the message we’ve been given.

What should I call these updates when I go back to work? Stuck in an office diaries? 🤷‍♀️

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video: quiet days vlog, Feb 8-13

in which I go through all the emotions and you see a lot of my face

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social distance diaries: days 303-309

Day 303, Monday

No cancer! I went to the doctor for my follow-up and received the best news I could’ve desired: no cancer found in the biopsy and no need for surgery. The final diagnosis was enchondroma (the smallest he’s ever seen, according to the resident who gave me the news). I have to follow-up with yearly X-rays to monitor any changes, but it’s rare for it to become aggressive or turn into a chondrosarcoma. Basically, I have cartilage where I should have bone. It’s commonly found when running diagnostics for unrelated injuries, which is how mine was discovered. I’m so relieved that I can set this one worry aside.

This is what it looks like on an MRI [add image]

Day 304, Tuesday

Woke up with renewed energy but it was a difficult morning. Had to take it slow.

Day 305, Wednesday

Feeling a little overwhelmed with projects. Whenever this happens, I make a list, so I whipped out my Daily Momentum Planner pad and made a schedule of activities for the day.

In other news, I bit the bullet and ordered a new, plush chair for my desk. I’ve been using a cheap, plastic IKEA chair for years, and it has served me well, but I’m over it. If 2020 taught me anything, it’s to invest in my comfort.

Day 306, Thursday

Completed a bunch of little tasks that have been piling up for weeks but took less than an hour to complete (my hesitance was the going out part…).

I’ve been feeling dejected about not writing since I wrapped up the manuscript, but I had to remind myself that I literally had minor surgery and an emotional hangover following this week’s diagnosis. I’ll get back to it on Saturday.

Day 307, Friday

Started my morning with cramps and a morning meeting. Sigh.

Signed up for an online writing conference and revision workshop. It’s been too long since I invested in my writing. This will be motivation for the next phase.

Day 308, Saturday and Day 309, Sunday

Completed the initial review of edits I left for future!Gricel (ie. today!Gricel) and caught up on two weeks worth of laundry that I neglected while recuperating from the biopsy. Unusual tiredness on Saturday heralded the arrival of a mild migraine on Sunday.

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social distance diaries: days 240-246

Day 240, Monday

Woken at 5 by one of those horrifying weather alerts. Nothing to get you out of bed like an alarm blaring by your head. The first time I ever heard one of those, a tornado swept down the road, so I respect the warning.

Tried to get back to bed after feeding the cats, but a second alarm came an hour later. Gave up and got my hour of writing in before my energy flagged.

Had the day off from work, because storm days are South Florida’s version of snow days. TBH, it felt like the storm days when I was a kid and got to stay home from school. Obviously, I’ve been home from school for a while, but the lights are on and the flooding isn’t as bad in my town as it in others, so it was a nice break from the grind. One city reported 17 inches of rain overnight and power was knocked out for thousands; I’m grateful I didn’t have to deal with more than an alarm.

Day 241, Tuesday

Back to work and catching up on projects before meetings. Managed to get my laundry done between the rain storms.

Day 242, Wednesday

Had the day off for Veteran’s Day, but ended up having to take one of my mom’s cats to the vet. Luckily, nothing major, just a UTI, but there went my day.

Day 243, Thursday

Every fall for the last 5 years or so, I’ve hosted a high school class at the library and taught them how to do research. Because of covid, this year’s session was online and I had to adapt my resources to freebies only, since they won’t be allowed to visit the university. About 30 minutes before the class was scheduled, I started to feel the first warning signs of a migraine. Managed to keep it at bay with some advil and a cold pack, but it rebounded with a vengeance.

Day 244, Friday

Migraine all day. I took it easy because it was hard to look at a screen. Attended meetings and showed my face briefly when called, but not much energy to get involved.

Day 245, Saturday

Migraine peaked around noon and improved by 3pm. FINALLY. One of the weird side effects I get is uncontrollable hunger coupled with an upset stomach (fun), so I was starving all morning but also feeling nauseous. Good times. Anyhow, I was craving cake and went to my usual bakery, forgetting that it would be packed during lunch time because people keep eating in restaurants. It took less than 15 minutes to get to the counter, but I must admit, it felt riskier than anywhere I’ve been in the last few months. Hoping my mask/filter and the fact that I was there for less than the suggested time for exposure was enough.

Podcast recording in the afternoon, which was a real treat. For the curious, you can catch the minisode here.

Day 246, Sunday

Feeling more myself today. Caught up on sleep and spent the morning writing. It feels so good to be able to focus without pain stabbing at my head and neck.

Going to the oncologist tomorrow, hoping for some sense of direction.

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social distance diaries: days 204-210

Day 204, Monday

Was in a meeting where folks were discussing their recent increase in meetings… meanwhile, I have three meeting-free days this month, excluding two days for an online conference. None of those include the two new committees I am now a part of, and none are related to the move to remote. If I was working on-campus, I would still be attending the same number of meetings.

Day 205, Tuesday

I took a look at my schedule and realized I had nothing pressing until after lunch, so I grabbed my ballot and headed to the elections office to drop it off. My vote is in. I hope some good comes of it.

Day 206, Wednesday

Off to the ob-gyn for my yearly wellness exam. She also thinks my arm pain is a knot in my muscle rather than something internal, but I’m still waiting on an approval for the MRI…

Day 207, Thursday

And off to the doctor again for my yearly physical. My OBG and GP are a husband/wife pair and both were open about their views on the current administration’s response to COVID and their personal bout with the virus. Both caught it, along with one their kids. His case was worse (he developed pneumonia and fainted several times), but his wife and daughter developed tremors after recovering. It sounded frightening but weirdly reassuring. Like I too might have a chance… Still, he told me, “keep doing what you’re doing if you haven’t caught it.”

Day 208, Friday

Back to the grind… I blocked out a few hours for a pressing project, but it still wasn’t enough. Spent the night reading so I could away from the screens.

My BF reached the let-my-girlfriend-give-me-an-undercut stage of not being a fool in a pandemic. It was my first time using clippers but it went well!

Day 209, Saturday

Mild migraine rolled in with the storm clouds, but managed to head it off with a low dose of advil. I started laying off the advil after I noticed it was making me retain water in a concerning way, but it’s one of the only pain killers that works for me with some success. Managed to get a few hours of writing in before it wore off, but no rebound headache yet fingers crossed

I used to have regular dessert dates on the weekends, just quick trips to a local bakery for treats and coffee, but those stopped at the start of the pandemic. Today, I took a chance and stopped at one of my old haunts for a small cake for myself and cheesecake for the boy. There were two people eating inside but they left shortly after I arrived, and it took less than 15 minutes, so the risk felt less dire than my recent trips to the doctor.

It was delicious.

Day 210, Sunday

Alternated between writing, cleaning, and paying bills/checking my budget. Decent amount of energy too. Days like today me feel almost normal, which is kind of sad if I think about it too closely.

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social distance diaries: days 183-189

Day 183, Monday

Straight to the vet at 8am. I couldn’t sleep and know a migraine is starting as a result, but my anxiety was way too high and the weather is too variable at the moment.

Kitty is ok and received another shot of steroids to help with her inflamation, but I hate the thought of her having to take steroids for the foreseeable future. I hope this is a seasonal thing that resolve… I’ve tried everything, but can’t determine what the irritant might be. Having so many issues with scents and chemicals myself, my home is generally free of common irritants. All I can think is that there might be mold? It started after my other cat died and a part of me also wonders if she reacted to the cleaning that she received.

Anyhow, what I do know is that going to the vet when I can barely walk and it’s raining is a BAD combination. I ass-planted when I stepped on a slick walk and now my right side is bruised and achy. Luckily, I didn’t hit my head and I fell on the cushiony part of my side, so it’s just a bruised bum.

Day 184, Tuesday

For reasons I had to bring two of my mom’s cats to my place for the day. One was generally grumpy and the other mildly concerned… returning them to their carriers was an ORDEAL and resulted in my BF lifting the couch while I hobble-chased with a towel.

Day 185, Wednesday

I’m really feeling Monday’s fall and the cat toting of the last two days (they chonky). My back is not pleased, but my ankle is getting back to normal.

Anywho, got my flu shot and had a followup with the cardiologist and ortho. My heart is fine, just a “sinus tachycardia” caused by stimulation (probably hormones or diet). Nothing to worry about at least. I’m glad I have a cause, because I’m tired of people telling me to a) relax or b) that I need to breathe. FFS I practice yoga on a regular basis and have low blood pressure, I’m already too relaxed.

Ankle is healing as well. I should be able to start taking short walks soon without the brace. I’ve been making good use of my exercise bands to strengthen the ligament.

Day 186, Thursday

Started getting a migraine. Meetings are even worse when your head is pounding and you just want to sleep.

Day 187, Friday

Quick morning writing session and the draft is just about done…

Day 188, Saturday

YES! The rewrite/dev edit is complete! It feels like such a triumph after all the everything that’s been happening. There were times when I doubted that I would ever have the energy to write again, but slow and steady brought me back to this. I’m going to take the rest of the month to read up on craft, plan my next round of edits, and work on some practice query materials.

Day 189, Sunday

And like that, I learned that at least one of the terrible sounds coming through my wall is the sound of my neighbor’s punching bag. GAH.
They’re not the worst neighbors I’ve ever had, but they have no sense of what it means to live in an apartment or an old building where every thump resonates through the wall. I usually ignore it, but my SHELVES were shaking and all my frames were rattling. I sent a text letting them know, even though I hate making contact. (again, I’ve had REALLY bad neighbors)
By the sound, I suspected a kickboxing workout. Nope. Just a home gym setup in a too tiny apartment with a shared wall. 😦 I skip workouts that involve jumps just to avoid being that neighbor. No such awareness on their part.
Things are being slammed even as I write this.

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social distance diaries: days 106-112

Day 106, Monday

Kitty is still adjusting to being a single cat. Another weird, sleepless night where she kept calling for me.

Despite the tiredness, I was in the mood to dance. Spent an hour playing Just Dance and got a proper sweat session. I’m too anxious to run for fear of hurting myself and ending up in urgent care (wouldn’t be the first time), so my workouts have been limited to walks, yoga (when I can focus), and lately resistance band circuits. Dancing is a nice change.

Spent $75 on summer dresses to enhance the sans pants life. I’m tired of wearing the same three t-shirt dresses I’ve been wearing for three years.

Day 107, Tuesday

A quick morning laundry session as I struggle to find the best way to limit laundry time… it’s tough when you have to borrow your partner’s laundry machine because you don’t have your own and don’t want to risk the laundromat.

Learned that one of my aunt’s had a stroke last night. We’re not particularly close, but it’s still troubling to learn of a third person that I know having an attack in as many weeks.

Day 108, Wednesday

Learned my aunt’s stroke is COVID related and she’s been moved into a special unit for recovery. My uncle and cousins have to get tested. We’re not particularly close, but I hope they recover. Unfortunately, they’re the sort of people that were having house parties with more than the county-recommended 10 guests or less. They all probably got it at a Father’s Day party. Not surprising.

More troubling for me, my sister needs to get tested after one of her coworkers tested positive. She lives with my dad and her mom, both of whom are in vulnerable categories. I’m trying to remain calm and hope she didn’t have contact with that person.

Had to teach my mom how to use Zoom so she can meet with her doctor next week. Some of her chronic issues have been causing some concern. I hope it turns out to be nothing.

Day 109, Thursday

Planning meetings for future reopening of the university. I’m not going to stop working from home any time soon, but I’m part of the review committee to ensure a safe return for students and staff when we start to reopen.

My cat has been acting odd. Vet was closed by the time I called, so I’m going to have to call Friday morning and hope that they’re open. Otherwise, it’s going to be a complicated weekend… I really don’t need more complications.

Day 110, Friday

Took the cat to the vet and he couldn’t find anything obviously wrong with her. Gave her b12 and a steroid in case it’s inflammation or arthritis. Also gave her some fluids in case of dehydration and said to return on Monday if she doesn’t change.

Went to the cardiologist for myself in the afternoon… had an echocardiogram and stress test done (the tech asked “do you ever have chest pain?” while doing the echo, so there’s that… but the stress test was fine.). Sent home with a 24 hour Holter monitor.

Day 111, Saturday

Kitty is not eating much, though the b12 should’ve opened her appetite. I suspect she has a hairball again (there was a big one about two months ago). I have to monitor and see what happens this weekend. I am so tired of being worried about everyone lately.

Day 112, Sunday

Late to bed = late to rise. All the noise was hard to handle and I had a migraine that made it even harder to fall asleep. Finally, rolled out of bed around 9, which meant a late start for everything… A less productive weekend than I wanted, but I managed to have a few pomodoro editing sessions.

If my neighbors actions during the weekend is any indication, we’re in this pandemic for the long haul…

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social distance diaries: days 57 – 63

Day 57, Monday

Meetings all day.

Felt two lumps one my male cat. I hadn’t noticed these before, they’re in a spot that is hard to feel and I probably thought it was the edge of his elbow if I felt it before. I already had a visit set for Wednesday to update their shots, but now I have an added worry. I’m hoping it’s not cancer. I don’t want to go through that again.

Day 58, Tuesday

The best day for groceries is Tuesday. Shelves are stocked and if I stick to my preferred store, I don’t have to go through the stress of an over-crowded store (*cough* Aldi and Walmart) while trying to shop for two households.

My car is suffering from lack of attention. Tire pressure was down and my oil must be pitch by now…

Worried about my dad. My sister (same dad only) has been having some on-again-off-again boyfriend coming over. The kind that doesn’t believe covid is real and refuses to wear a mask. Real gem. She’s also 55 years old, so there’s no pass for youthful ignorance. She just doesn’t care about her parents, both of whom are chronically ill. I just hope they don’t bring contagion into the house, for my dad’s sake as well as her mom, who is a nice lady and doesn’t deserve to be put at risk after having heart surgery less than two months ago.

Day 59, Wednesday

Vet day. Did a contact-less drop-off (or as contact-less as you can get when handing off pets and signing forms outside the office. I got a call in the afternoon that they’re both going to need a dental cleaning (I knew this was coming — they stinky), and the mass on boy cat is going to need to be removed. I’m still praying for a benign lump and not a cancerous mass. Today would’ve been my old cat’s birthday and it’s a little too much to think about another loss.

Ironically, I got my stimulus check today. I planned to donate part of it and save the rest, but it’s looking like there won’t be any saving. I’m probably going to donate to Feeding America, but I’m also looking into animal charities.

Day 60, Thursday

Boy kitty had the smaller lump lanced yesterday. He wasn’t feeling great and spent the night hiding under my bed; I spent the night waking up to check on him. Everyone is deeply tired.

Sent a flurry of emails trying to convince my colleagues to run for open positions on the library and university committees. No one wants more meetings, but it’s part of the job, so someone’s gotta do it (I’m on the nominations committee, it’s not some random passion for committees on my part).

Day 61, Friday

Concerned about boy kitty. He keeps hiding under the bed and I haven’t seen him use the litter box since the previous night.

Worked on annual reviews for my department, lots of email, and scheduling meetings for next week.

Plastered the cracks I discovered on my bedroom wall. No paint, but I’m not really fussed about it at the moment.

Crossed some animals.

Day 62, Saturday

Boy kitty is in a better mood, though I’m worried about what his mood will be after the surgery. He’s been struggling with balance since the biopsy and not eating or drinking much.

More things I did not need: a giant nail in my tire.

Day 63, Sunday

Finished a solid chapter. Spent about 3 hours revising and made good progress. Still slow, but that’s just how it goes for now.

First round of laundry complete.

Frustrated with my weird hippie neighbors. The smell of their weed keeps filtering into my place and it 1) smells awful, 2) triggers my migraines and makes me insanely nauseous. Fun.

Most of Miami is coming out of lockdown tomorrow, but I will remain working from home, likely through the Fall semester. I’m definitely not complaining. I’m not eager to be out in public more than absolutely necessary. My body doesn’t need anything else to fight.

I keep meaning to record a video update, but for now, you can hear my dulcet tones on the podcast:
Episode 32: The Princess Bride
Minisode 32.5

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life: October – month in review

month-in-review-january

Guys, I’m in a rut. Been feeling burned out and uninspired. I need to figure out some things and move forward, but it’s taken a toll on my creativity and mood.

A few good things to keep me grounded:

I received a new tarot deck, which was a lovely surprise.

I bought new shoes (They’re burgundy tieks and I filmed the unboxing).

I discovered Lune Innate‘s Reiki ASMR videos (these have been invaluable recently).

I upgraded my point-and-shoot situation for an upcoming adventure.

There were some lovely, spontaneous dates.

On the other hand…

My low-buy was a bust. With the holidays coming up, I need to remind myself to stick to my budget.

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