A Q1 life update: coming out of grief and loss, finding financial balance, managing health, and a hint at upcoming writing projects and future publishing goals.
Tag: life update
life: is this my midlife crisis? part 1.
I’m struggling, y’all. Really struggling. It’s that frog in a pot feeling where everything has been adding up for so long that I hardly noticed until it reached a boiling point. I’m unhappy. Not depressed, just unhappy. Discontented. Malcontented. Feeling like I’m behind in all areas of my life—health, career, finances, etc. I can’t even blame it on 2020. If I have to trace the origin, I’d say it started sometime in 2017, when so many things in my life seemed to go off the rails. I’ve been trying to pull it back together for years and this is the culmination, that generalized feeling of what the heck am I doing with myself? I’m not posting this for sympathy. More so, because this space has always been a place where I can express myself somewhat openly and where I’ve documented much of my adult experience.
I recently posted a video about coming to terms with the very real burnout that I’ve been experiencing for the last 1.5-2 years or so. I’ve been slowing down and taking the time to really look after my needs, but that doesn’t stop the world from spinning. I’m working on myself, committing to better habits and starting with my health (because without health, what do we have?). I don’t have the energy to go into the details, but I’ve gone through three separate health scares since 2020 and the mental toll has been as challenging as the physical strain. I’m tired of not feeling like myself and I’m ready to make a change.
Not sure how often I’ll post updates, but I’m going to make this a regular series as I track my progress and share my goals. For now, know that I’m working on a 6 month plan to address my physical health by increasing movement, improving my diet, and building consistency. Mostly, it’s returning to old habits that I thought ingrained but which took a hit over the last two-ish years when I returned to the office following a roughly 8-month stint of WFH life. Three injuries, 2 biopsies, and several health flares didn’t help.
Keep an eye on this space for future updates and good luck on your own journeys.
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social distance diaries: days 261-267
Day 261, Monday
Back at work and feeling a little overwhelmed. It’s a feeling I often get when I return from any length of time off, had to remind myself to tackle each project one at a time. I’ve done this before; I can do it again.
Had some bad news in the afternoon. More of a complication than an insurmountable challenge, but still troublesome. My insurance rejected my MRI approval, so I had to make calls and hope the doctor’s office can figure things out. Otherwise, I’ll need to submit an appeal and/or pay $300 out of pocket to get it done myself. I’m grateful that I’m in a place where I can afford it (there were years when I couldn’t and went into debt), but I don’t want to pay it unless I have no other choice because I’m not sure what co-pays are going to look like going forward with treatment.
Day 262, Tuesday
A productive day. Taking it slow, listed all that I have to do and created a time block schedule to feel more in control. It worked!
Day 263, Wednesday
Spent an inordinate amount of time trying to create a password according to the rules for my insurance provider’s new website. I don’t how someone who is older and/or not tech savvy is going to figure out their rules. Ended up having to use a generator and modify to fit their crazy requirements. Finger crossed that I submitted the appeal to the right place because whoever designed their new portal has no knowledge of user experience.
Day 264, Thursday
Just a regular workday. Nothing new, nothing different.
Day 265, Friday
Did proper groceries (in a store!) for the first time in weeks. Woke up at the crackiest, crack of dawn to get to Publix before anyone else decided to go shopping, which worked, but also left me drained for the rest of the day and feeling pretty meh about all the stuff I needed to get done.
Received some late night good news: my MRI was approved!
Day 266, Saturday
Back to the 4-hour writing schedule I set up during vacation. Finished another chapter and have 100 pages to go before this draft is done! I’m excited to get through it and the edits are getting easier now that I’m past the section that needed extra attention. I have a list of details to work through before I send it to betas, but I also have to recruit betas… so there’s that. (Note: If you’re interested in reviewing an angsty friends-to-lovers romance set in Knoxville that features a bi-racial, Cuban-American heroine, comment below or use the contact form to email me!)
Day 267, Sunday
Another writing day. I’m nearing the 300 page mark, which means there’s less than 90 pages to go! I’m starting to really believe I can finish this draft by the end of the month. What joy! I even spent some time organizing my character boards. No one looks exactly the way I picture my characters, but I curate features more than people.
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social distance diaries: days 226-232
Before we start…
Cases in Florida are rising at an alarming rate.
Every day, the numbers in the tri-county area are going up and Miami is getting closer to the kinds of numbers we were seeing in July and August. This gives me the same level of hopelessness I felt this summer. I hate it. Wear your masks, everyone.
And if you’re coming to Florida for the theme parks or the beaches, remember we’re open because our economy is based on tourism, not because it’s safe.
Day 226, Monday
A busy start to the week with another trip to the vet for Cookie Cat, this time to re-test for FIV. His last test was inconclusive and I need him to be clean before I can bring him home to live with my super delicate little flower of a girl kitty.
Worked on projects that were piling up now that one of my working groups is sort of done… I think. Anyhow, I’m in between tasks for that one so I get to catch up on everything else.
Day 227, Tuesday
Great news! Cookie Cat is clean! I’m not 100% ready for a new addition, but keeping him indoors is the best option for him and my mom already has one secret cat too many in her apartment. I already had a collar for him (was saddened when the first test came back inconclusive), so I ordered a tag to go with it. I need some more supplies to ready for his arrival since I retired Candy Bear’s bowls when he passed. He’s a sweet boy, so I’m hopeful that he’ll get along with baby girl (she has a grumpy face but a sweet temperament).
Day 228, Wednesday
Day 1 of an online conference… Not as enthused about this one as I was the last one I attended. And I’m on the planning committee (yikes). It’s kind of a mess IMO. The online format leaves a lot to be desired for this one. (some do online well, some don’t)
Day 229, Thursday
Underwhelmed by day 2 of the conference, so I spent most of the day writing and catching up on some much needed rest (migraine broke last night, so I was feeling good for the first time in days). Did some cleaning in preparation for Cookie Cat’s homecoming tomorrow. Fingers crossed
Also, recorded a short life update because it’s been months and I never bothered to upload the last one I recorded.
Day 230, Friday
Cookie Cat came home. It was an uneventful homecoming. Waiting to see how they react to each other.
Got my MRI results. My shoulder is fine but there was a concerning spot on the image. It’s likely a nonaggressive cartilage tumor, according to the radiologist’s report, but they recommend further study. I made an appointment for my PCP per the ortho’s recommendation but I’m feeling pretty low. Wondering if I should reach out to a specialist rather than wait.
Had the long-coming, inevitable political fight with my mom. She’s old Cuban. In Miami, that means one thing.
Day 231, Saturday
It was a rough night. Between the cats being too scared and intimidated by each other, I didn’t get much sleep. Add my anxiety about the MRI results and it was not a restful time. I woke up with a very stiff neck, soreness in my arm where the strain was aggravated by poor posture, and one heck of a migraine that made me nauseous for hours.
I puttered around the house, tidying and trying to encourage the cats to get closer. Not much luck to start. Squeezed in a 25 minute writing sprint to wrap up a scene, which leaves me with my most productive month of editing, clocking in at 30:32 hours.
It’s been a struggle to get into the headspace I need to revise this novel. It’s a romance with a heavy dose of angst leading up to a friends-to-lovers HEA, but getting to that HEA means I have to work through my own anxieties to find the mental space to write.
Every time I think I’m moving forward, something throws me off.
Day 232, Sunday
Happy first day of NaNoWriMo! I’m sort of participating as a rebel while continuing edits. Also told myself I would be more active in the community this year. We’ll see how well that goes, but if anyone wants to add me as a buddy, I’m @emperatrix.
Sleep was not had last night. The cats are still skittish around each other and Cookie Cat wants love but also runs away when I approach. Apparently, this is normal behavior for him. It’s going to take a while for him to be comfortable, but I REALLY need sleep. sigh.
All that to say, my weekend writing plans were all a bust, but I managed to wrap up a chapter.
Addendums
For the curious, I filmed a brief October recap/life update. It’s short because my connection can’t handle a massive upload, but such is the current state of affairs (I really miss the ludicrous speed of the university network). Also, filmed before the latest development in my health journey.
Finally, if you need something to listen to while dealing with the existential dread of the upcoming election, the latest episode of The Bluestocking Circle Podcast on Ella Enchanted is now available. I didn’t enjoy the book, but the movie was an experience.
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life: January – month in review
Plans were made, habits were started, and more tarot cards were read.
Some good things:
- Finished Draft 1 of the secret angst project.
- Completed all 30 days of YWA’s Home yoga program.
- Started decluttering the stuff that’s been taking over my home for the last year or so.
- Read some good books. (video coming this week)
- Limited my coffee intake and stayed within budget (for lattes).
Some challenges:
- Grumpy face kitty had to go to the vet. Lots of trauma for all. She’s ok though; have to monitor her bladder sitch and feed her a vet diet (I have thoughts, but not going to challenge this).
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life: June – month in review
It was a busy, productive month.
Sent out more queries.
Finished the read-through for my current WIP, which will see me through the next quarter.
Bought my first maxi dress, which makes me feel extra breezy and stylish (not something I thought possible because maxis always seem the purview of taller girls). Much needed for the hot, hot heat. (I may have settled on this particular brand because the name sounds like mine – Grecerelle)
Took a week-long break and ate a lot of cake and things to celebrate my birthday, including real dairy ice cream (with the help of Super Enzymes). My body did not hate me for it (although my joints are currently protesting and my eczema is flaring *sigh*).
But the pièce de résistance(!)
The boy surprised me with a penguin encounter for my birthday.
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marginalia and such 